venting

hey so like last night was insane lwk i fell asleep crying a river in my bedroom

so like here's what happened

basically my bsf jeremy came over and dropped over some men's clothes to help with my transition (i asked him to) and my mother found them before I did

she was like yelling at me and telling me that jeremy was "forcing me to transition" and went on to tell me that his mother was forcing me to practice dark magic (???)

basically she made me give him his clothes back but i did take a hat from him 

i'm lucky i'm still living under her roof rn lwk... but this is how i know i can never come out to her

because she's already convinced i'm being forced into it 

whenever i make a change to my identity, especially one she doesn't like, she has someone to blame about it. she did the same thing about me being goth and told me that i was probably being forced into presenting like this and asked why i couldn't just be normal

she can't accept the fact that i'm trans and alt so she's blaming other people and trying to find a scapegoat so she can try to delude herself into believing this isn't really who i am

she's convinced i'm changing for other people when all i have EVER done is be myself no matter what other people think of me. she thinks she's teaching me to have that mindset when really she's just slowly taking it away from me

sorry guys had to vent might delete later #bai