We need advice yall

This might be tmi but wtv, idc.

Soo we were broken up with two months ago by our favourite person, although that isn't why we're posting this. (We are 99% sure we have bpd and have done research on the diagnostic material we can find) 

Since, we have got a therapist because if you know anything about bpd - you would know that breakups are HELL. (Ex if you're reading this, fuck you)

Anyways, our last session was yesterday and we were ranting about everything that happened during the relationship as we lost our rose-coloured glasses a month ago, after this we asked if we were too mean to believe that this guy abused us. 

Turns out apparently he did.

We can't shake the feeling that we manipulated her into saying that somehow, like we didn't give enough context or we lied, we just can't seem to comprehend it. The ex in question keeps reposting Nd posting stuff about how WE are the abusive ones and had fully convinced us up to a month ago that we abused HIM. 

We just don't know what to believe anymore, we're obviously hurt by everything and angry and allat but it just feels so.. wrong?? 

It doesn't help that our ex has constantly said he'd khs if he was a bad person and we doubt that's a 'manipulation tactic', in fact we'll probably delete this in an hour or something because we're NOT living with the guilt of someone else dying on our accords. 

The worst part is that we don't remember much of anything from the relationship, it's all blank and we don't want to harm ourselves by looking back through old texts. 

We just need advice to cope ig?? It all feels so weird and we've already got horrible anxiety from knowing that our ex theoretically can gossip about us or something since we're in the same school. 

Somebody sedate us FFS 

 - Rhe'a and Jinxzz