welcoming 20 rant

I'm writing this at the very start of my 20's it hasn't even been 24 hours yet but I already feel the pressure. The sweeps of death slowly creeping in, old age , disappointment, mid life crisis , and the thoughts of "is this really all my life amounted to". I'm terrified to get older I always have been. Partly because the adults in my life we're always stressed and miserable or they died young. My mom had me at 18, so I'm getting to the age I remember her at. Although I know I'm not a mother nor do I plan to be for sometime. It scares me that I'll end up like her, don't get me wrong , she did the best she could with what she was given. I just feel like it puts  even more pressure on me to do more with my life because of the fact she didn't. I feel like I have to get this ball rolling before suddenly I wake up and I'm 45 with my life behind me. It's not a bad thing per say because it is motivation but its also a crippling ball of anxiety that i'm running up a hill away from. Like I know 20 is still really young but I need to get the foundation to my life started and that's okay just new priorities.