What a loser lol

I turned 36 about a week and a half ago. I currently have no work except for one guitar student. Last year I was teaching at a studio and a few schools but the stress of keeping up with the teaching structure from my employers was so stressful that my forearms were entirely flared up with itchy psoriasis. I didn't even talk to my boss at the studio about it, I just stopped turning up, ignored her calls and messages and finally messaged back saying I'm going through mental health stuff and I have to leave my position.

I do want to keep working on my music career. I just prefer teaching of my own accord rather than having a boss who has different expectations on how to teach and what should be taught. I'm lazy as hell though. It's a long story, but I was basically only diagnosed with ADHD in my early 30s so my whole life I've been struggling to get things done. My condition lead me to fail year 10 in high school twice, get kicked out of school, and struggle with employment.

What I really need to do at the moment is read and write as much music as possible. For the past few years I've been wasting too much time just laying in bed doomscrolling youtube. I had to start using Facebook and Instagram to promote my business and that quickly became an opportunity for doomscrolling too.

I'm thankful to have found Friendrewind and Kamtape though. Although they are nothing in terms of the popularity of Myspace and Youtube back in the mid 2000s, the creativity and community are there. I'm hoping that having this creative outlet will kind of snowball into some confidence to be proactive. I mean, if I'm sitting around doing nothing, it had better be something social and creative rather than mindless and passive consumption right?