Who I Was Isn’t Who I Am

There’s a character I love a lot named Wanderer from Genshin Impact. I first found him in 2023, during Version 3.8, when his banner and Kokomi’s were running. At the time, the only thing I knew about him was that he could fly, so that was literally the only reason I wanted him. Thankfully, I managed to get him.

After that, I started learning more about Wanderer and ended up becoming really attached to his character. I played the Inazuma and Sumeru Archon Quests and learned his entire story, from his time as Scaramouche to his development into Wanderer. His past in Tatarasuna, the choices he made, the way he reacted to things, and especially his whole struggle with identity were things that really stuck with me.

And it’s funny to think that, before I actually knew his story, I didn’t even like him. I kept seeing Scaramouche everywhere and would get annoyed because he seemed to have so many different names, like “Scaramouche,” “Kunikuzushi,” and “Hat Guy.” I had no idea what was going on and genuinely thought people just couldn’t decide what to call him.

• Nowadays, I relate to him quite a lot, but not because of his relationship with Raiden Ei. I have a good relationship with my mother, and I actually dislike it when people reduce Wanderer to just “a boy with mommy issues,” because his story is much more complex than that. Reducing him to nothing more than “mommy issues” completely overlooks so many other parts of his story and development.

• What I relate to the most is his struggle with identity. I also spent a long time trying to figure out who I was and trying to find an identity that actually felt like me. A lot of the time, I pretended to be someone I wasn’t or tried to fit myself into a version of who I thought I was supposed to be, instead of figuring out who I actually wanted to be.

• I also relate to the way he dealt with his past. For a while, I used things that had happened to me to justify the way I acted. I was impulsive, treated people badly, had a hard time accepting help, and often ended up sabotaging myself. Eventually, though, I realized that understanding why I acted that way didn’t mean I wasn’t responsible for my choices.

I used to think, “I did bad things, so I’m a bad person.” Now, I think about it differently: “I did bad things, but that doesn’t mean those things define who I am. I can change and become better.”

• I only really started understanding this after a conversation I had with a former friend. She played an important role in that process because she made me realize a lot of things about myself. I’m grateful that she was honest and direct with me, because if she hadn’t been, I might still be the same person I was back then.

• At first, I was angry with her. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say, much less accept that she was right. But eventually, I realized she was. It might seem easy to change when you’re looking at it from the outside, but it’s genuinely difficult when you’re the one refusing to change. And I was that kind of person. It took me a while to finally realize it and accept that I needed to take a good, honest look at myself.

• I did things I deeply regret, and I can’t change the past. But I also realized that I don’t have to keep letting it define me. I didn’t need to erase what happened in order to move forward. I needed to accept that it was part of my story without letting my past mistakes decide who I could become.

• When I finally accepted who I had been, I stopped being trapped in the past without having to pretend it never happened. I understood that those things were part of my story, but they didn’t have to define who I would become. Realizing that I could still choose who I wanted to be gave me a sense of peace and, more importantly, a genuine desire to keep growing.

• Wanderer was one of the characters who helped me realize all of this. I love his development because he can’t simply erase everything that happened to him, but he can choose what he does with it afterward.