Why am i a chud (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)

I lowkeyyy don't know what to do with my life but I'm kind of locked in. I'm in my second last year of school but i also have one final at the end of the year and that's scary. I don't know fully what job i want and what path i need to go down and lowkey all i do is drink and other stuff (yk...) All i have is my plants, my friends and my super amazing boyfriend (if you read my last post i am not leaving him i love him to dearly and he has helped me with the issue many times i just don't listen) My friends always host hangouts and i am always invited but i feel like many people who i was super close with now have different people that they see and their best friend when i was their best friend and this scares me a lot because what if I'm getting married and i have no one to be my maid of honor or i dot know, i have my boyfriend and i know that he truly cares about me but sometimes I'm worried he's only with me to crack even though i know that's not the case and i bring stuff up to him and he ALWAYS makes me feel better but i cant help but feel paranoid and i really don't know how to get rid of the paranoid feeling without turning to the alc... Maybe i should just start smoking the Za or some but lowkey don't know. I love all my friends, my plants and my boyfriend but i feel like i have no plan for the future and that's the scary part about everything. 

Overall I am okay i promise!!

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