why cant i be the me i know i want to be?

i truly dont think its an issue of figuring out who i am, nor do i think i dont know who i am. im only 17 and i feel very confident in saying who i am, even if i have so much time left to learn about the rest of myself i dont understand yet. the problem comes from not knowing whether im living my life as the true me, or the one that i want everybody to see, or even if im subconciously playing the part of a character i dont want to play. and while im aware that part of life is learning, and figuring out the person that you are, but when our personalities are all molds we've picked different pieces to form, will that ever happen or will i be mimicking all i want to be unnaturally?

im not talking in a self hate sense, but when i look back at conversations, or think back to talking to people, it always and i mean ALWAYS feels like im playing an act. but even then, its not the right one. it feels uncomfortable to think about how formulaic my responses are, it feels weird to think about the fact my friends more than likely only know one version of me, with that one version being in that single instance only. thers never a concrete me.

i know what i want in life. i know where my heart wants me and im confident that ill get there someday, regardless of what path i take to get there, even if the universe guides me onto an entirely different one. it just annoys me that im aware of all of that, and i still cant find a way to bring myself to be the honest me. then again, how honest is the 'honest' version of me if the one i thought was me before is already as big a "lie" as it is?

i dont know. maybe i should get out more and do the things i know i should, but hold myself back on doing because of inhibitions, yknow, say fuck all to what people think i think, how i dress, how i talk (well within reason; not talking about being a dick, but more so being honest with my opinions no matter what they think). 

and yes; i know theres a bunch of things in the world i dont understand. im 17, of course theres things like that. and that list will only shorten with time, but until then, i dont think im going to stop trying, even if i dont succeed, in figuring out the me that wants to be the face that everybody see's.

i dont know if this made sense, but TLDR; life feels weird living the multiple version of me i am. and it frustrates me. thats all. anyways, wherever you are in the world, day or night, please try to take it easy on yourself and stay safe <3