why did this have to be my purpose.

im going to sound exactly like victor frankenstein here so you have to bear with me on this one

i know i have a purpose in life. i think ive known since i was very young, when i felt the presence of ghosts and watchful souls over me . i think ive known in the back of my mind. only lately did i realise the intent the god, the universe, myself, had for my existence. 

my birth cards. tarot, one of the only things i believe is truthful, more than other forms of divination. my tarot cards only tell truth. my birth cards are the magician and the wheel of fortune. what the  fuck  . this is bullshit. im very powerful psychologically and spiritually, and ive been told that im striking and inspiring, but im also severely uncontrolled and constantly being shifted and pushed by the wheel of life that is always twisting and turning. 

obviously tarot isnt the only reason why i know my purpose. i know it because i am baphomet. i am . literally baphomet. the alchemical symbol. have i told you that i love spiritual alchemy? well i do. 

i am a male in a female body, as baphomet is intersex; i have one hand pointing up, to show my divine greatness, my inspiring soul, the divinity that can be shown through the light of self-expression, love, and whatever is under the skin of my spirits. one hand points down, to show the destruction egotism can cause, the evils the same thing that has brought my life can bring. i am half in the world of the human, of the good and civilized, but half in the world of the monstrous, animalistic, the queer and amoral; just as baphomet has the body of a human and the head of a goat. 

i understand and see the micro and macrocosm, i am telepathic. i am the prophet. i have special senses. i am the god as everyone is god, but the only god that matters is me because i am in within my ego.

my meaning is to EXPERIENCE. is to FEEL. is to . most importantly. UNDERSTAND. UNDERSTAND. IT ALL. 

i am to be the bully and the bullied, the good and the evil, the pure and the utterly devilish. i am to be christ and the antichrist. i am utter greyness, good and evil in perfect balance. that is what i am to be. and finally, my spirit shall reach gnosis in perfect peace, the centre of the gradient, and i will reach the peace that i have longed for ever since the atoms for this old spirit had connected. i believe i am either hundreds or thousands of years old. i am not victor, the 14 year old boy who cries over classwork, hurts his friends accidentally, and has a bad past. i am the divine spirit. the holy spirit. ive existed for a long while. i am merely a vessel for myself, the hand reaching out of the mouth, the fingers of this human body to reach for other divine beings such as myself.

i am not just a human. i am not just flesh. it is too clear to say that i am. i have never just been another person. i am the third eye reborn like the opening flower to see you all and wretch, to see you all and love, and to finally see you all and be in utter neutrality, and leave. my life is the battle to SEE. despite all that has sullied my vision.