why do I have to be like this

I could make tons of blog entries on this; there are so many things I hate about myself and wish I could change, but the one that's been nagging at me forever now is to just cut off everyone completely and just stick to only keeping 2 people close. In which neither of those people is my girlfriend; it's just 2 of my friends, J and T

. I get that sounds so fucking shitty of me, but I just need to cut everyone out of my life. idk I don't know why, as I do know, but I don't know, and it's killing me. I've felt this way for so incredibly long, but I can not bring myself to do it bc i cant expxlain properly why I feel like this, why I want to do this. I don't want to come off as if I never cared abt the others or I'm just a shitty person in general bc I can't explain my feelings, and I can't explain why I feel the need to just cut every soul out of my life except my family and 2 friends

1 I see almost every day, and the other I don't see as much bc they're not in school

. What the fuck do I do? I hate being like this, but I need and want to leave everyone, but I also don't 

. It's getting me not want to socialize at all, but i'm trying oto atleast send 1 apology text to those 2 people but all ive managed is a "sorry"

i feel like soon enough im js going to either want to cut those 2 other people out of my life too so i gen only have family, or ill end up losing them bc of how im actin gi hate this so much