why I don’t care if people dislike me

A lot of people dislike me. Some, for completely valid reasons — I can be aggressive, cold, unpredictable, and generally a piece of shit if I’ve decided that I dislike you. Some people don’t know me or have a reason, they just hate me. Some people victimise themselves and think I’ve done them wrong when I only did because of their aggression (ahem, my parents..). But I simply.. don’t care right now. 

I guess, in some ways, it really does affect me. The idea of people not seeing me for who I am, a beautiful creature, annoys me. I’d most certainly beat the shit out of someone who tried to ruin my image or threatened me too much. But I also.. don’t care? 

It’s kind of weird. I care because I think I’m beautiful and I act beautiful and if people hate me, then my performance and my face and my hot behaviour is for nothing! But I also think of others so lowly that I don’t exactly care for their opinion. 

One example of this is my friend’s friend. I absolutely despise him, and plan to smash his teeth in one way or another, because I despise him. I don’t care if he isn’t like that to others anymore (I guess I am a big old hypocrite for this), I care that he did it and that my trauma-rotted self has someone to project my anger onto. He doesn’t like me, he usually goes quiet when I’m around, probably sensing my complete disgust. My friend told me he got a ‘I’m right all of the time’ aura off of me. Well, he’s correct! Most of the time I think I’m correct and I have a very hard time seeing other’s perspectives. 

I am getting better at this. I can admit when I’m wrong and try to learn with the help of others with more emotional intelligence than I do. But I find it funny that a little worm like him finds ME shitty. I’m endlessly more hot, richer, more intelligent, better at respecting others, better at keeping my fucking mouth shut. I find it entertaining that he thinks I’m the one who’s bad here. It makes me laugh, I actually quite like it. 

I feel really good today so it feels like nothing can get me. All of my manifestations keep working too, so I’m loving my life. Hate me! It makes me blush.