Why I’m conflicted on quitting my diet (TW: VERRRY sensitive topics)

Now that my blog has basically become an internet diary, I’m gonna write whatever bothers me. I love losing weight. I love how good it feels, I love the new foods I’ve discovered, I love how I feel lighter than before, and I love how my dad can carry me now. The only thing I don’t like is my scent changing. Now that I’m eating better and eating way more lean meats and whatnot, I smell completely different. I used to smell warm. Like my natural scent kinda smelled like what my friends have described as vanilla and Christmas with a hint of onion. So I used to smell like the grinch. Now I smell a lot more like wood. I have a much more “manly” scent and I fucking hate it. I smell exactly like my rapist. I think this would only make me a little uncomfortable (I say this because it happened close to ten years ago) if I didn’t have PTSD. I can’t smell myself without smelling him. And every time I sniff myself to make sure I don’t smell like sweat, I have an episode. I feel everything all over again. Last time I came back in the middle of saying “I don’t wanna play anymore.” Thankfully, I just got my bath and body works haul so I can change how my room and I smell.