yap T_T

I don't get super super upset a lot of the times (kinda meh) but I've been really anxious about my therapy appointments because (AGAIN) I have heard zilch about a date or a time for my travel and like not being able to have control of my own punctuality really makes me feel like I swallowed something bad. 

I've been having a lot of fun with my hair (pink now :D) and its like a good distraction but I still have this heavy sinking feeling that's been building up since the last time I went (home is so ajhgfhjkjlksn) and it always feels like the end of the world when I can't get to it.

the last time I missed them I had a depressive episode and it took me a whole seven months to make another appointment because I was just so beat. I can only hope for follow through right now😾 its so hard for me to not let spoiled plans derail my life and I know that I'm going to therapy to manage it specifically but aghhh when the plans to fix my problems go wrong it really doesn't feel good😓😓 

I'm not religious at all but I'm praying for follow through honestly ok goobye😿positive thinking