you're a shitshow at showing you love me

the water tastes a little bitter, doesnt it?

we match our eyes and i don't see whatever love was there the last time. was it even there? i could remember a time from a time from a time from a time where it was.

do you remember a time or do you just look at me unbothered after all? after the cries and falls and races and turns and curves and then nothing. at. all.

there's a lot of doubts and a lot of questions. 

i don't think i'll ever be able to sit beside you and talk. how do we even begin? "hi" and a kiss.

"hi" and a one sided hug.

a bitter one word and rolled eyes.

or maybe bitter tears and words that probably won't do justice to what we want to tell eachother.

i think about it when i see you and the memory disappears when i get off the bus.

does it happen to you too? do you say "ah, shit, again" and try not to look at my way? but i see you looking.

i miss your big blown wide eyes and that stupid smile

i miss our late night talks and how much we did outside, things that we werent supposed to do, at the dark and dim barely lights.

now i see you and there's nothing.

you probably remember things that i don't. and i remember things that you don't. you'll probably not read me once but i'll read you twice before you have a chance to delete it and us

we have never been apart for too long. unfortunately. that's probably what makes this all more difficult.

you care? i do

don't you? where? how? which? what? why?

three years in a row and i'll see you everywhere and nowhere and everywhere and "ah, shit, again" and i'll look in your eyes and you'll do in mines and oh my god you're you. you're just you. have you changed a bit? do you still like purple? or black? or this or that? goddamn. how is him? he's so grown. what about her? she's a dick to you. i'm so sorry. i shouldve hugged you more and kissed you more when i had the chance and the time. i'm so sorry.

i don't care. you don't.

don't i? here. because. that. a. why the hell not. 

three years in a row and i still see the same scared kid in your eyes as you do in mine.

2 hours ago.