done with romance possibly forever?

I wont go into details, but I have never had a healthy relationship. I cant process anybody truly loving me. Idk what it is but I am tired of being robbed of my joy and whimsy. I don't want to date or be touched or kissed. I just want to get back on my feet and finally live a fulfilling life where I dont feel like a zombie. I slept until 4pm today. Missed all my college classes. I know so many people struggle in college. However I don't want top be someone who struggles I just want to be my best and I know rn I am not my best. 

My Medicaid is out so I haven't been able to get therapy which is lovely. 

I don't know if what i'm feeling is the same, but I feel like I have so much love to give, but no one wants me. Sometimes I think I should just give up on the idea of romance completely because it feels like no one would ever love me truely.