August 2026 Update

Yesterday, I had chest pain, thought it was just a panic attack, checked my blood pressure (bp) anyways to try and calm myself down and it was 166/80ish. with everything that has happened recently. My brother passing away from a heart attack that he thought was just a panic attack. I decided to go to the ER. Everything looks okay, all the tests are negative for heart attack, same with all the blood work. I am currently wearing a heart monitor for 14 days so it captured everything. My brother isn't the only one in the family to have issues so to be safe my pcp ordered it. It might be just using a stimulant medication that I'm not used to (btw finally got onto concerta for my adhd) to plus the physical trauma that is grief. The doctor didn't' make me feel stupid for coming in, which is nice.

During the beginning of the visit my mum started to cry and I just pictured choking out Loki and saying "don't you fucking dare do this shit to my mum on her birthday weekend". I hate that I might have just worked myself up so much and made my parents worry and continue to be in pain honestly. I just wish I didn't feel like shit and wasn't constantly anxious.