Being an abuse victim who isn’t ‘soft’

I’ve been a victim of mistreatment many times in my life. right now theres 3 people who have wronged me in the past — my mother, my father and my ex. The abuse I faced was slightly different between all of those (father: sexual and verbal, mother: emotional, verbal, neglect/maybe sexual abuse, ex: emotional abuse though I don’t really like to call it that I think I’m just a pussy) 

due to the amount of abuse Ive faced I have a lot of symptoms of different disorders and stuff, and generally I’m not really that ‘nice’ of a person due to it. I have worked on my empathy problems and stuff but I’m not really a perfect victim? I was very mean to all of my abusers. I have a history of arguing with my dad and being aggressive towards him due to what he was doing to me, I avoid my mother and do things behind her back, and I admit that due to my ex not getting better during our relationship I did become quite intolerant of their actions (I called them a stupid fucking bitch once and they got mad as if they weren’t the one being stupid.) 

I’m also more open about my abuse than a perfect victim is really meant to be. I openly say that I want all of my abusers to die and make it known that I fucking hate them. To be fair I was quite kind to my ex after we broke up and I try to avoid them nowadays due to the fact that they make me want to strangulate them the second I see them. 

I feel like I’m a little more boisterous that what I’m meant to be, but honestly I don’t really care. Fuck them. And I’m heading the same way with my friend who keeps refusing to leave her abuser knowing that it’s not good for her and that he also disturbs the shit out of me (and her refusal to leave him at least a little is breaking our relationship apart). I swear if I have to have the same conversation I will just call her a bird.