Christmas

I agree completely. I’ve already been blasting Christmas music and rewatching my favorite Christmas shows. It’s unusual. 

I guess we've contracted hohoho-type J  these people impersonating santa clause must be contagious, why else would we be suddenly acting this way? Protect the children!

Fuck you’re incredibly genius. We have to inform everybody before it’s too late. Don’t even think about stepping under a mistletoe until we’ve figured out a cure to this jolly disease. 

Thank you for your warning. God, what a hohoho- i mean HORRID situation. damn, i might have to go into quarantine to not risk spreading the contagion  well gives me enough time to put up the christmas decorations  OH NO- ITS GETTING SERIOUS. damn you, hohoho-type J

That might be for the best. Tis the season for hohoho-type j. we can’t let ourselves infect them and turn them into over jollyed Christmas carolers. We’re saving their asses and they don’t even know it. 

they should be damn grateful that we are sacrificing ourselves like this. 

christmas carolers think life is all sunshine and rainbows- they're deluded! winter is a harsh, cold-hearted season. we can't let ourselves be stripped from our senses!

you're right when you say 'tis the season to be jolly falalalala lala la la 

if we don't do something about it, soon we'll all be licking candy canes and feeding carrots to the reindeer. 

without hrt, christmas is just cismas. 

They haven’t even come close to realizing the point of the holiday. Christmas should be feared by millions. It’s nowhere near the time to be singing about love and joy. That’s why the grinch is justified- Santa was pure evil. Sneaking into innocent families’ homes and rudely eating their cookies and drinking all of their milk! They’ve been brainwashed. Why else would they not care about a greedy, sly prick like Mr. Claus breaking these children’s hearts and leaving only coal for them to find? We have to prove it. How, you may ask? Killing Santa Claus. 

Giving bad kids coal just reinforces bad behavior. If Mr. Santa knew even the slightest about children, he'd know that. He's a fraud and if he breaks into MY house purely to give my kid coal, I'd report him for breaking and entering. 

I agree, killing Santa Clause sounds like the only viable option. Maybe then we could make a vaccine for hohoho-type J using his blood. I'd have to speak with an expert on that however. 

And his brother, Saint Nicholas, is just as bad! He has multiple boats, filled with slaves from Africa to do his dirty work for him, while he can freely enjoy all the luxuries that come with fame, such as the parades, the kids dressing up as him. It's obvious that family is no good. 

Even Christmas itself is a lie! Some sources state that Jesus was born in the spring. So what exactly are we celebrating? 

Why does Santa have special authority to go into people's homes unannounced just because he’s supposedly this 'gift-giving' guy? If he sees everything, he must be a creep. I would never trust someone like that. no can do. And where does he get the money to make all of these presents? He’s full of secrets, and I’m not falling for his tricks and lies. With what you’ve told me about Saint Nicholas, it’s obvious it runs in the family. I know what we have to do. With their blood, that’s the only solution to our disease. It’s the cure; I’m sure of it.

You're asking the right questions. No person in their right mind would be okay with some random bearded guy, probably in his 800's, handing out free (in this economy?) presents. And he's from the north pole at that! Call me paranoid, but I would never let a man like that even get near my kids, let alone give him the thumbs-up for all the stalking he has been doing to the poor

children. 

And think of poor Ms. Clause. Married to such a horrible man. She should get a divorce. She has every right to!

Yes. You're right. Acquiring their blood is our only option to rid ourselves of this horrible illness and to put a stop to all this 'jolly' creepiness! 

But how? How will we acquire their blood for the cure? Those reindeer are most likely on steroids, we'd never get past them!

Splendid idea. I have an entire suitcase filled with steroids, exactly for these types of dire situations.

Armor, however, isn't something I own. Might I suggest tasers instead? But, who knows, the reindeer might have an unexpected reaction on those. An axe, maybe? 

We have some treacherous and humbling months ahead of us, comrade. The journey to the north pole isn't a simple canoe ride over still water, no, it is much more dangerous, and my butchered-up raft laying in the shed isn't very water-tight. 

But you're right, we shouldn't let ourselves become disheartened, for we are the only people brave enough to make the trip. 

 I knew you could get those steroids, but you have seemed to forgotten I have a perfectly good boat collecting dust from years of no use. It’s exactly what we need. Axes should be fine last I checked they aren’t immune to them. At least, they shouldn’t be?… it doesn’t matter. I believe in us; we can fix this horrible world together. But, we must do it quickly lest we fall to the illness soon before we finish out our journey.

Of course. Silly me. That boat from the time you tried to ride it off of your roof! Wow, such a resilient boat, I must applaud it for hanging on this long. 

I'll bring the axes and those steroids, don't worry. Maybe an extra carrot or two as well. For bait, you know? 

Bring the boat and your thickest winter wear, it's below freezing at the North Pole.

And remember- we cannot succumb to the illness, for the entire world will become plagued by it if we do not complete our mission.

Why don't we meet at the porta-potty outside of the McDonalds? There's a river not to far from there that leads to the ocean.