Comments

3 minutes ago Report 👍

she does seem shallow and actually extremely insecure, everything she does is to maintain an image, and I don't think it's something you should do especially around family, your image of a person is who they are and that includes actions, feelings, beliefs etc etc. you're not a brand, there's no image to chase...and with those kind of people it always comes tumbling down when someone doesn't forget their mistakes because of what they gave. 

like no one is keeping a tally and what you give doesn't make up for who you are...if you're shitty and got me 20 gifts, you're just a shitty person, these material things are not an extension of who YOU are, and even with sentimental stuff she clearly isn't capable of making THESE stick...her non genuine intentions will show one way or another

I'm so sorry you have to keep up with her it must be EXHAUSTINGGGG but keep pushing through <3

3 hours ago Report 👍 1

The most rotted and burning of concrete will always be overcome by the most resilient dandelions pushing through the difficulty of survival for the taste of life.
Nice job on being better

3 hours ago Report 👍 2

I don’t think you’re naive for feeling this way. I actually think the way you described it shows that you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what truly matters in a person.

I also think there’s a difference between someone wanting to feel proud of their accomplishments and someone feeling like their worth (or other people’s worth) is only based on accomplishments. A lot of people struggle with that idea, especially when they’ve spent their whole lives feeling like they have to prove something.

The part about feeling like her kindness comes with an expectation attached really stood out to me. It can feel uncomfortable when someone does something nice but then seems to need a certain reaction or praise in return. There’s a big difference between “I’m happy I could help you” and “I helped you, now I need you to prove how grateful you are.”

Also, I really admire the fact that you’re questioning these things instead of just accepting them. The way you said “accomplishments don’t make a person” is honestly a really thoughtful perspective. A person’s value isn’t just their achievements, their job, their status, or what other people think of them.

I can imagine it must be exhausting growing up feeling like you had to meet someone else’s definition of success. But the fact that you’re worried about being selfish or hurting people already says a lot about your character. The fact that you’re trying to be kind and self-aware shows that you’re choosing what kind of person you want to be.

Also, just a small thought: I’d be careful about putting a label on your mom without a professional opinion, but regardless of whether she fits a specific label or not, your feelings about the way you’ve been treated are still valid. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pressure for a long time.

I hope you’re able to keep building a life where you feel valued for who you are, not just for what you achieve ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ