crimson and his struggles with eternal life

this is the introduction to a comic i'm working on, writing it out to plan panels, i have other scenes written i just wanted 2 share

waking up immortal is initially really exciting. every different possible way i could spend my day flashed through my mind like one of those old-timey projectors. you just don't feel fear anymore. and there's all the time in the world to chase every source of inspiration that i could sink my teeth into.

after decades of going to my favorite venue just to watch the culture shift between fads, the local bands rise and fall, not being able to detect buildings i knew like the back of my hand with echolocation because they got remodeled or bulldozed while time flew by, it starts to fuck with your ability to really enjoy anything. how can you, knowing everything but you has an expiration date?

don't even get me started on the dating scene. my first hookup as a vampire almost got me on a wanted list (the internet wasn't a thing yet, thank god for serial killers to blame baby's first accidental feeds on). i don't know what happened to the others, i keep psyching myself out and accepting that if i had someone else with me it'd be harder to blend in, living in the same place all this time. but i don't know who turned me, and i haven't been able to find anyone that would even want to live like this.

is what i was thinking before lighting my third cherry clove cigarette of the night, when the heavy metal door to the back of said venue slammed shut. i listened to the rugged boots shuffle out onto the pavement just a couple feet away from me. it was someone in today's lineup, it's probably been around the 20th time i've seen them play here. inhaling the spicy-sweet smoke, i leaned back against the taupe brick wall. the singer glances over before rummaging in their bag, pausing and sighing. "hey, have you got a lighter by any chance? i think someone stole mine inside."

"i'm really sorry," i nestle the lighter in my palm, still in my jeans pocket while i tried my best to keep a pokerface while i looked up. "you could try striking two rocks together?"

their brow furrowed before i held the lighter out between us. a smirk cracked instantly. 

flick, flick, crackle, inhale. 

"didn't you guys get signed? i thought you'd be on the move by now."

exhale. the cherry of their menthol cigarette made their long eyelashes visible in the dark, which seemed to act as a shade over their enigmatic grey eyes. "do you come see us often?"

"well, you're always here,"

"so you've been here a lot?"

i nodded. "i'm here every other day."

"then we've had to have met before."

"i mean, i've seen you play."

"i'm not sure if that's equivalent." 

the hot licorice taste hit the back of my throat and burnt my nostrils like inhaling water by accident. i choked. "right," i wondered if i remembered my name.

"is that clove?"

"is that menthol?"

"fair point," i finally got a chuckle out of them.

"you know, you're really talented, it'd suck if all that smoking got in the way." i teased some more.

"i'm a professional at this point, you know. it's been most of my life..."

i giggled at that. i wondered how long my streak has been now that i can't die. decades go by fast now.

"manager's not gonna like that. how are they going to milk you for 15 more albums?"

their nose exhale was enough for me to know the joke landed again, but they stopped responding for a couple minutes as we watched the cars pass, and the pitch black abyss of sky above engulf all of the lights the street had to offer.

"i don't really know if i want to leave here yet."

"you've played other locations, i bet, though?"

they were silent again.

"it's not about that," for a second i noticed a longing i've never seen in anyone else since i woke up again. i let my dark eyes reflect the sky and prep another clove light while i let them find the words.

"i feel like taking this opportunity is going to kill everything inside me that enjoys what i do."

crackle, inhale.

"but what if it lets me live forever?" they exhaled a little bit of their soul this time.

i shook my head. "you want to hear what i think?"

"go for it," their eyes stayed on my lips. i stomped out my last cigarette under my worn out shoes. for the first time i think i might know someone that would want to live like this. 

"i think you're better off living forever."