i crave friends and lovers, usually. for the past few months i find myself not caring, particularly in the lover front. when it comes to friends, i keep flipping between being feeling fine alone and then crying because i wish there was anybody that i truly feel close and connected to. i feel as though i am always putting up a facade in the presence of others. i find these days i barely find the need ot talk at all-- even though i am in the presence of family i know that care for me. i feel almost disconnected from myself, as well.
none of the friends i consider myself close with in the past are in the city either-- but the next time we are together we are planning on either going urban exploring (? explore abandoned buildings) and maybe try randonautica. i just want to feel scared, to feel anything strongly at all. not too fond of being scared alone though, so i wait. i don't find myself really believing in paranormal stuff, maybe a little bit-- but places still be pretty creepy so it should be kind of fun.
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eternalikon
i think i feel quite similarly. i believe the “not caring” mostly comes from not being able to feel like i’ve gotten what i want, like friends, but more-so authenticity and connection. i do think the hard feelings just come from not getting what you truly want. not sure what a solution could truly be, but i know, for me, that forcing any interaction feels worse than just being alone. whatever the case may be for you, i hope that with time what you’re feeling passes and that you find some people or at least one person close to you who you connect with, and bring you solace.