Do you think what happened to me is weird or am I overreacting?

Very tmi, I just need to make sure I'm not going crazy

Right so basically, when I was really young, from ages 6 to 8, every time I would go over to the midlands to see extended family, I would make out w my second cousin. Which, I know crazy start, but I had no idea what I was doing at the time. I don't even think I grasped the concept of making out properly. But the thing is, I was thinking about this the other day, she was like 3 years older than me. This went on for about 3 or 4 years, because I wouldn't see her that frequently. So when I was 6, she would have been 9, when I was 7 she would've been 10, and when I was 8 she would have been 11. That's the thing that's weird abt it for me. Idk abt you, but I definitely had the awareness at 9, 10 and 11 to know that that was wrong, an awareness I didn't have when I was younger. It really makes me question her intentions. And it's that, on top of the fact I think (my memory isn't very good on the situation) she was the one who started the whole thing and she was the one telling me to keep it a secret. There was also this one time I remember we watched a youtube on how to make out with tongue, and I really didn't like the feeling at the time, but she said something along the lines of 'no we have to do it'. It's difficult though bc I don't remember much of it. I really don't know if she's in the wrong or if it was just a really weird thing that happened. The only thing is, I feel like she should know at the age that what she was doing was wrong. Also, at that age, the 3 year age gap was huge. I was too young to realise just how terrible it was, I only kept it a secret because she told me to. And looking back on how this made me feel at the time, it leads me to believe her intentions weren't good ones. This also would explain a lot about why I am the way I am today, like it would perfectly explain it. Am I overreacting or should I think she's in the wrong?

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N!ka

1 day ago (edited) Report

She might have known about it but still, kids at that age don’t understand how serious it is. And how did she start with this? Who told her that stuff and how? I’d say she could have been abused by someone else too, and normalized the situation, that is common, but it can be that she saw something that she didn’t understand and wanted to try it? Kids don’t know what they do is wrong or right, they don’t understand how wrong it is, they don’t understand the consequences of their actions, not really. And how was she raised? And maybe you did understand that at your age but not every kid does.

It’s a really complicated situation because how can you really blame someone here?

Kids aren’t born knowing everything, but it looks like some parents do think that.

That's why I think sexual education is so important, kids aren’t stupid. You need to make the kid understand what can happen and that they have your trust etc.

And I think this is very common because parents treat kids like they’re stupid? I don’t think my mom ever said anything about that, or tried to explain it to me, we can’t just understand what is right or wrong out of nowhere.

And stuff like consent aren’t things that kids understand, they don’t understand if what they’re doing is wrong or if the other one is uncomfortable or something. And kids don’t understand emotions that well, if you were uncomfortable and you didn’t say anything or do anything about it then maybe she would have stopped, or maybe she thought that it was as bad as stealing a toy from someone, that it wasn’t that bad, and did it anyway. And maybe she did know that it was bad, but not how bad, not understanding completely what she was doing.

It’s very complex, and you are the only one that can understand what happened and how she was or what she said or maybe her behavior overall? Was she weird in another way? Kids that are abused act differently or maybe saying and doing sexual stuff like it’s a game.

I remember that I was playing with some kids in the school, I was maybe like 6-7 years old and I saw a guy in my class grinding against a girl that was in our class too, I didn’t do anything I didn’t know what was happening and I think they didn’t really know that either. The girl was laughing and he was laughing too I think.

I do remember I was very “innocent” because some of them did very sexual stuff and I didn’t understand what they meant. But it’s sad that boys are expected to be sexual, they’re not. But parents don’t really mind it because they’re a boy, it’s a boy thing. It’s not.

I'm not too close to her anymore, and I'm not aware of any abuse towards her, but there could have been. My memory is really fuzzy on the situation, since it happened awhile ago. Personally, due to the nature of how my family is raised and how kids in the UK are raised in general, I'm pretty sure she just saw it on some TV show (like a pre teen one, some of them have kissing scenes in it and stuff) and wanted to try it out. She didn't seem to act strange other than that at all, but again my memory isn't very clear about it. I'm pretty sure the only reason I went along with it was because it seemed like fun. But it definitely progressed with watching youtube videos about it together.

by Freya_Fentanyl; 1 day ago (edited); Report

Ɛ=3nyan♡⁰ᨵᩥ⁰

1 day ago (edited) Report

um yea that was really weird but it makes me think the same thing happened to her, a 9 year old shouldnt even know what making out is. it definitely seems like the cycle of abuse, and if you can maybe bring it up to a different family member..

Yeah, I will definitely sometime soon. The thing is, I'm pretty sure she just saw it off of a TV show, that's what I remember. For context, kids in the UK grow up mentally a lot quicker than other places. On your profile, I can see your from the US, so generally the maturity of a 9 year old would be like 2 years older mentally, at least from my experience, and that's certainly the case specifically with the midlands

by Freya_Fentanyl; 1 day ago (edited); Report