Lowkey forgot they flag stuff on the Chromebook at school so they brought me into the office and read the first part of my blog back to me
This time I was too tired to make an excuse and just said I didn’t write it
She def didn’t buy it specially cuz of last terms track record, but there’s not much they can do about it besides offer me the programs and shit
Maybe one day I’ll be able to answer honestly
Everything I eat tastes like shit
Everything I drink tastes like shit
Everything around me I just get pissed at
I can tell the apple is sweet and that I’d usually like it, most other people would say that it’s good but it just tastes disgusting, even when I’m not eating anything It feels like my mouth is full of piss
I think I’m about to have an episode if I’m not already in one, I’m angrier than ever and I don’t know why
I think my depression is turning into anger issues
Except both are still there so I’m just a rock that can’t do anything but hate the grass and sky around it
It’s the Tuesday of the third week and I had to drop jrotc bc of my hair, Ik you have to to join the Air Force but I’m just not ready yet, plus I can’t join straight out of hs anyway bc I can’t own a gun for 5 more years
Graphic design, the class I switched into is nice tho, it’s what I was hoping to get out of visual art, like how to draw Instead of just drawing
Fuck
I tried to find something using clairvoyance in a dream and when I tried I couldn’t, so I really wanted to die right then
I wanted to die in a dream
we deadass?
Dream
THATS WHAT THE MASK IS
or something like that lol
Every time I have an episode I always think that it don’t do anything like write or blog then I’ll just be stuck like that forever, self pitying and shit
And everytime no matter what I do it ends anyway
Except does it really end?
Does it really end if I’m happy for two weeks just do have another month long period of hell
“Makes you wonder, what was it all for?”-Tatsuki Fujimoto
It’s exactly the same as it was last year, trouble sleeping, trouble waking up, trouble focusing and thinking, Trouble.
“If I move out will I really feel happier?”
I usually ignore these questions because I don’t think I can trust myself when I’m like this, but will anything ever happen?
It’s just the counselors that make me feel like shit
Stares
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Gaiety_and_Insanity
Food genuinely SUCKS a lot of the time. I recommend trying to distract yourself with music (in general), not eating when in this state, or finding a few safe foods instead. They don't have to be healthy or anything.
And you are totally right about the counselors sucking ass. In the school I went to, I used to sneak into the "quiet room" to try to calm down from overstimulation, and the ONE TIME I told the councelor about it, she pulled me out in metaphorical chains with a condescending smile and polite words, and I hated that rotten bitch since. They aren't on your side. Even my drama teachers gave me a time limit on when to recover; Why does MY MELTDOWN have to fit YOUR SCHEDULE when you're not even THERE!?
School sucks ass. Just blast music and bite people to cope, its my strategy
Basically how it’s been going, just tuning everything out
by punkxhazzard; ; Report