He's turning five and yet you aren't any better than your father before you and his before him. That's crazy to me. Five years & nine months and yet all that leave your lips is excuse after another.
Do you know he loves trains? Or that he's starting to get nightmares. He is ethereal incarnate. His light has a deeper shine you have yet to see.
I try not to hate you I do, but because you gave me this light that gives me love like I've never known, even when this village that helps me raise our light tells me I should. That you are dust and will go anywhere but where our son is. Providing in only cash in place of your absence can only take you so far. Just don't forget that because you didn't break your cycle it will continue his phone bills paid in your replacement of affection. Or maybe the silent car rides only to buy a game that you won't understand and maybe then he will finally end it with you. Maybe he will forgive you maybe he won't hold animosity in his throat when he sees you.
Do you ever see the one who hurt you when you look in that mirror? Does the weight build in your chest knowing you didn't change for the better? C one day I hope you give our light the love he deserves I pray it hits you before that reflection you see becomes you consumes you building itself into a four-wall apartment that sits empty without light without laughter and love. Just alone
(For context I'm a single mom to an autistic toddler and their father isn't in the picture much raising this child hasn't been easy believe me I've tried to understand his point of view)
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OddiestZann
YOUR A BEATIFUL HUMAN JUST WANTED YOU TO KNO THAT AND THANK YOU <3
s.c.o.t.t.i.e
I'm so sorry that the father of your child is not in the picture, and I'm so sorry he isn't doing his part in raising your child. That isn't fair to you or your child at all.
I don't know if it brings you any peace, but I want to share from a perspective of an autistic person whose dad was not around:
I do not forgive my father for not being around. I do not forgive him for tossing me aside and not being there for me. But you know who I do love? My mom. My mom was there for me. She was there for every knee scrape, bike fall, broken leg, health scare, mental health episode, the time I went to the mental hospital, homecoming, everything. She was there when I was accepted into college. She was there when my ex cheated on me and left me to the way side after 3 years of me and him living together.
I may not have a father, but I have a mother who stepped up and was both parents at the same time. Your son may have more forgiveness in my heart than I do. He say forgive his father for not being there. But do you know what means more? A parent who is there, present, and shows up. Eventually as you age, you forget and feel less empty about the parent that's not there. You forget about the missed experiences, and instead remember the way the parent that was there, was there.
Your son has a good mom, a great mom. A mom that's there, a mom that wants to be there, a mom who loves him. As he grows up, that will mean much more to him than a father who wasn't present.
Sending you lots of positive energy and wishing you the absolute best for you and your son.
Thank you for this truly. I am thankful for the village of loved ones that treat him amazingly. So I know he won't lack in guidance or love.
by yami226_3; ; Report