I only have three friends that includes my ex, I still love him though but anyway my other friend Lili is cool she's okay but lately I haven't been feeling like good? If that makes sense I thought about killing myself like three weeks ago but I got angry n cut my hand instead (Hand cuts hurt more then any other cut 4some reason) but anyway but it's like any time I try n vent or talk about my life she just ignores me? I don't know but it makes me mad, it makes me sad, makes me resentful, and it makes me wanna fucking die. I hate myself for how I am, it doesn't help that she's constantly complaining to me n talking about her life to ME but as soon as I try ......... nothing like okay fuck you, fuck your mom, fuck your grandma, fuck your grandpa, fuck your brothers, fuck your cousins, fuck your exes, fuck you're "eating" problem, and fuck your suicidal thoughts I hate it, I hate you for not being there for me, I hate that no matter what you do I'm still gonna pathetic loser who has nobody n will stay to listen n try to help you even when you don't listen to me, I hate myself, I hate what'll I'll do to have somebody, anybody pay attention to me, I hate how I hurt other people to feel better about how hurt I am, I hate not being able to communicate cause I don't want to be alone, I hate being alone, I hate that you say you have no friends when you have more then I can count, I hate how easily you can replace me, I hate how you just make friends left n right, I hate that I'm jealous, I hate how I feel in my body, I hate being seen as a girl even when it's what I feel like sometimes, I hate letting people use me just so I won't be alone, I hate when you ignore me or send dry responses, I hate everything.
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Cr33pygr33nlight888
Tbh bbz I understanddddd. since ur dealing with shit u should look around n realize that everything is 100% up 2 U. Ur friends and the ppl u surround urself with are there bc U LET THEM BE. If they don't support u in the way u would support them dw ab it. It'll be hard and it's hard leaving old friends in the past but tbh as we grow we shed the things that aren't meant 2 b here forever. I'm sorry ab lili :\ I get it if u don't rlly wanna do anything ab it bc having people u know is a comfort but at the end of the day ur in charge here. Sometimes friends will just be friend in passing and not any deeper than that. Some ppl are not always meant 2 see the complete you; the thoughts, the fears, the struggle, the pain, and that's A Okay!! Start talking to ur journal, or someone who DOES care. And getting rid of an ex makes things 100% less stressful bc u will see why things ended, and how things are brighter despite the shitty part of it. I have been thru this EXACT feeling, with the EXACT same ppl. Don't give time n energy 2 friends that won't make that same effort for u. Heal by urself, on ur own time, not WITH and FOR other ppl. Have a gn meowwwwwwzzzzz ;b
--Sincerely the online big sister who getz it
P.s. venting is always 100% ok!! Don't let anyone make u feel bad for it, but start to listen n learn who should hear and who shouldn't. Sometimes it can get 2 the wrong ears. Xoxo
adamZzzz
I'm sorry you are going through that, but I will say nothing lasts forever