Sorry for how bad I explain everything, I've been tired recently. Skip to "Why I want to be evaluated and medicated" if you just want to answer my question. You can do the polls or comment.
Why I think I have ADHD: I haven't really believed that I may have ADHD until this year. When I was younger, I felt separate from my peers because of how I interacted with people. I was very awkward and somewhat hyper, and I was oddly obsessed with principles, especially my church's (I went to a Baptist Church) and when I didn't read my Bible one day, listen to Christian music, dress modestly, etc. , I would feel like I was a bad person. This has been a problem in my life, ESPECIALLY last year. It was absolutely horrible, I try not to think about it too much because I was literally not connected to literally anyone and I felt disgusting. I was obsessed with trying to do anything EVER IMAGINABLE to prevent damage to the Earth in general and its inhabitants, I had to perfectly demonstrate any little thing I did so that I would be perceived a certain way, I COMPLETELY overanalyzed literally anything to the point that it made me feel like everything was hopeless and life was meaningless, I once stopped eating to "let the Earth control my body the way it's meant to", I avoided certain ingredients in foods and I didn't allow myself to eat dessert, I avoided looking at screens, I wrote supersuper small because I didn't want to waste paper, aaand there's a WHOLE LOT MORE. I've also experienced demolishing derealization off and on since 8th grade.
I know that OCD can be a symptom of ADHD, and I definitely think that was the case. I'm a completely different person because I HAD to condition myself to think normally and act normally.
I think a current symptom of ADHD could be my lack of time management and my inability to do my schoolwork most times... If there are people talking, I need music to focus, and if nobody's talking, I can't listen to music. Another symptom is how much I talk. I talk so much and sometimes I don't let my friends get a word out and it makes me feel disgusting. I try to stop but it seems impossible.
I'm not sure if this is related to ADHD, but sometimes I think about how people may be looking at me, so I try to look good/normal or something ?? I hate that feeling sm, but it happens a lot and my brain goes blank because if people truly are analyzing my every move like my brain thinks, then they're gonna think I'm weird or something. Idek.
Why I want to be evaluated and medicated:
1. I really want to focus on the things I really care about again, but if I begin to cut things out of my life for that, they'll most-likely become compulsions and I don't want that to happen again. I want to be an activist when I'm older.
2. Not only do I want to focus on things without them becoming compulsions, but I want to focus in GENERAL! I don't want to have to stress myself out everyday because I can never finish anything in time.
3. I want to be calmer and not talk soo much. I want more self-control
My mom told me that I just need to cope with whatever I've got going on, but I'm not sure. I've been trying to get good sleep (not tonight haha). I'm not sure if these are things you can cope with.
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Razzmatazz
I was straight up isolated by my peers, I tried getting into contact with one I thought was a friend a couple years back and he didn't even remember me. I was in the same school as this guy for 5 years and we had the same teachers and he doesn't remember me? I've had this issue on multiple occasions. I often felt like I was just a ghost to these people, just there to observe and nothing else. I have always struggled to interact with people. I also want to get screened but mostly for anxiety since I can't interact or ask people questions without panicking or trying to get someone else to speak for me.
I also forget what im saying in the middle of sentences, stumble over words that I know very well how to pronounce. I don't even want to talk about my procrastination issues. My memory is also very selective and it's not like I don't care I swear I do. I just suddenly can't remember 🙁
I also just feel mentally exhausted all the time and occasionally break down and cry because I'm used to holding in my emotions.
If you can, try and convince your mom to atleast get you screened for adhd once or twice. I don't have any experience though I'm also undiagnosed. My boyfriend wants me to go in for probably a few things... I also get the ideas of grandeur, feeling peoples eyes on me or like someone's reading my mind. I would run home in elementary because I would get a weird idea that someone was following or watching me.
I'm rarely alone and when I am I get really paranoid, I think I really need to get that checked out, and you probably do too if you have similar issues.
Have a good day and hopefully you can get stuff sorted out! I too want an explanation for my behavior. I wish I had one, it would be nice to let people know why I behave the way I do without them thinking I'm crazy or sensitive.
Thank you for commenting, I relate to some of what you said, I used to be very anxious too and I felt like anything I said was wrong. I'm sorry your friend forgot about you :/
I will try to convince her to get me evaluated, hopefully she understands.
Feeling people's eyes on you is very disturbing!
You probably should get that checked out. My paranoia isn't horrible, it happens every once in a while.
You too, thank you!
by iamjazandilistentoittoo; ; Report