Without humanities, I would never know my love for STEM.

...Well, to a degree. When I was younger, I flipped flopped between many different dream careers. The first path I remember wanting to be a was a doctor, it was when my brother broke his leg when I was 6, I think the doctor was gauging my emotions at the time after the event -- I looked at him and said "I want to be a doctor" I don't think I was serious at the time, nor do I think he took me that seriously either. The following years I wanted to be an actor, a model, a fashion designer -- and most prominently an artist. Nothing to do with medicine, biology, or STEM as a whole.

However, I always loved science, I was the teacher's pet, always raising my hand to answer, a notebook where I jolt down every word that gets uttered by my teacher, the Curious George of science class. I never really thought about pursing it, though. "That's for smart people, and I am no where near that." I frequently thought with such nonchalance because it was just a fact in my head. I mean, if science is easy, why is the phrase "It isn't rocket science!" a thing? I dreamed for the stars and hesitated jumping.

Entering high-school (9th grade was when my sciences split.) made me realize I had a passion for Chemistry in specific (at the time, at least)... But my teacher and I were frequently at odds with one another, I constantly needed reasoning before I could understand a concept with certainty, and he was the "just memorize it" type. I just barely got by on my first examination, and failed my midterm with the lowest grade I ever received throughout my science education. i was crushed, and gave up on chemistry entirely, "If I fail now, I will fail greater then." 

But the biggest fail of mine was not my grade, rather, my attitude. What I mean, giving up at that point wouldn't progress my knowledge, if I did give up under the pretense I would fail, that would invoke a self-fulfilling prophecy. I cried to my boyfriend... thanks to him, I was able to snap out of it, without him, I wouldn't have been here -- No, he isn't humanities, but he is a massive factor.

I picked up Physics as my main subject shortly after, post realizing all my favorite aspects of chemistry were just apart of nuclear physics (yeesh!) I sucked at physics even more, like, seriously suck. My logic was accustomed to biology (and slowly chemistry) by this time, so I was critically bad at problem-solving, and yet... I got a 92% in my overall grade, which when adjusted to my year's curve, was 100%.

This summer, two years after the chemistry fail, I flew out with my family to meet up with my boyfriend, I haven't entered a plane in nearly a decade prior to this. As I was walking through the jet bridge for the first time in a long time, my mind went blank, I was so excited I barely could muster words. It's safe to say the plane ride went swimmingly.

One of the pass-times I did was watch movies, I started with the F1 movie during my connecting flight if I remember correctly, I enjoyed it, really good climax scenes. I loved the Alonso cameo! The second movie I watched... Now that is where this whole blog converges to.

Right before a flight, I texted my boyfriend

Is project Hail Mary worth watching?

And by God it is. I couldn't believe how much It changed me, the movie is about a elementary school teacher (Rylan Grace) finding himself the only alive astronaut on a rocket. I won't say anything beyond that, but the way the film show cases the vastness of space, the isolation of, and the emotions Grace experiences as he navigates his mission. I still remember almost every scene now, Ryan Gosling did an amazing job on the acting, I was this close to being brought to tears, and I never experienced a film do that to me before. I was debating on pursuing genetic engineering for a month at that point, I was so torn I just gave up on thinking about at some point.

I started studying more when school came back in session, and any time I think about giving up I remember: "If I give up now, I will surely fail." If I never stepped out and actually watched a film -- which I never did -- I wouldn't have discovered who I was, is it silly all my life I had no idea who I wanted to be up until I watched a film? Maybe, but the path isn't my priority anymore.

Humanities always seemed like a bit of a redundancy to me, "it's just talking about talking" I thought for most of my life, but that take is hollow, and devoid of seeing what humanities bring us. For example, self-discovery. Humanities is art, and to create art, you need a passion to make something, what you create says something about you. Even the average stick figure, the guitar you have lying in the corner of your room with a loose string from playing too aggressively, the book you read cover-to-cover three times, the history you study, your pondering about what makes you.. well, you. 

Without self expression we would all be the same, and I think that without humanities, there would be no STEM, since without curiosity, there is no science. So go, go find your hobby, your book, your TV show, your film, your art, your music, discover who you are, and do it with love.

Now, I do want to say that STEM and humanities are equally important, and I don't want to diminish another one's shine. I felt like I should've added this disclaimer here before I gert any comments on it, lol.

This all was inspired off of Amber's "Stem and humanities, which is more important?", it's a nice short read, I recommend it. Well, thanks for reading.