I sometimes feel jealous of people that never went through a stage that they later realized was just public embarrassment (I went through like 5 of said stages before becoming society trained (I'm probably still in one now)). But at the same time, everything I did before the concepts of performativeness and people-pleasing were drilled into my brain was the real me at the time and has built me into the me I am today. If I didn't make mistakes, I wouldn't be the type of person to completely avoid those actions now, and if I didn't go through those really impactful events, I wouldn't have the empathy and strength I gained from them. Most people want to be attractive, talented, smart, etc., yet we mock the journey it takes to get there. At the end of the day, a "finished" creation is nothing more than the product of its original form and what it was put through. So why do we laugh at the old versions of ourselves? Why do we disregard the role negative experiences play in forming positive growth?
Furthermore, I really believe that humans do not exist to become "finished." We are inherently imperfect and constantly evolving throughout our lifespan, replacing one deep flaw with another as we grow. I think this journey is what makes us humans. Growing and changing is what gives life to the human experience. Filtering and labeling and fixating on all of our being to achieve an infeasible and undefinable state of perfection (not to mention one that is constantly changing based on whatever society's current "rules" are) is preventing us from naturally evolving into fuller and better versions of ourselves and enjoying the process of becoming.
Despite being creatures defined by contradictions, people generally seem to reduce themselves and others to fixed identities. Humans are not static; the labels that we throw at each other aim to capture something that is constantly changing. Those labels can limit us. So what if someone's basic or eclectic or performative or niche or unable to commit to one "aesthetic"? Why is it so difficult for some people to see people enjoy things that resonate with them? Why must we judge every expression of individuality and preference as though it must conform to our own taste, when doing so defeats the entire point? I saw this post somewhere, and it was a girl commenting on another girl's TikTok, saying, "she thinks she's so different". The creator replied and said "yet we all are", and I think that puts it beautifully. I saw something else that said "how much of your online presence is performative" and someone replied, "we are the mask and the wearer" and that also puts it perfectly imo. Labels are tools, but they shouldn't be walls. Just be and let others be.
I was not always this easy to be around or look at, and it makes me sad that I had to make myself easier for the world. But that can be how life goes, and I'm glad I'm trying to stay true to myself now.
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1. I don't know of anyone who has not cringed at themselves in hindsight, honestly if they haven't done that multiple times and changed then they almost always aren't growing/maturing.
2. The only people I know that hate those who are trying to better themselves are usually losers, haters are almost never doing better than you. (Although I see a lot of people confusing haters with constructive critics!) I think part of it is a sour grapes mentality. They are too lazy to put the work in, or feel that the ideal is so far away from where they are that rather than being a goal it becomes the enemy. Seeing people trying is a reminder that they not only failed at achieving that success but they even failed at trying which is even more pitiful. I only really hang around other successful people and only less than a small handful out of maybe 100 are like that. But I've noticed that not being the case with unsuccessful people. So I think those types of people feel pain from other's success and they lash out. (That being said, sometimes people just lack the genetics to achieve certain things that they would otherwise desire and it's really not for lack of trying.)
3. Labels are tools, but I see them more often used as walls and weapons in modernity. It's a shame, but there is something primal about labels and being different that can't be psychologically ignored. You'd probably really appreciate this experiment! :)
https://www.thoughtco.com/robbers-cave-experiment-4774987
^This also applies on nation-state levels, not just boy's summer camp levels. ;)
i'll check out the experiment tyy
by diamondeyed_jules; ; Report
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I think people kind of just are the performance of who they want to be. I can't really think of another way to change without the first day feeling like you're just pretending.
When I think about who I am I don't have much control over it except the performance.
I am my genetics and hormone levels and mental health. I am what I was taught by my parents and friends and movies.
But then that's all just stuff that happened to me, I had no choice, I just happen to be like this.
And if I do make a choice to change the way I am, yeah that's a performance.
Anyway.
I also think the bad experiences and hard things in my life are the most important. So I try not to be afraid of anything, will give myself away and be willing to get hurt, because when it goes badly I know that will be one of my valuable important stories in a few months and I wouldn't take it back.
And sometimes I win!
i lovee this perspective i couldn't agree more
by diamondeyed_jules; ; Report
MikeSoyyomg
Love how you mentioned the "commiting to one aesthetic" situation, it really gets frustrating when you can't even see what truly resonates with yourself. <3
yes exactlyy but dww because YOU are the aesthetic
by diamondeyed_jules; ; Report
TYY <3
by MikeSoyyomg; ; Report