having ocd while being focused on ‘morality’

I have severe morality ocd. Anyone who has known me this year has probably heard me mention it. I have anxiety attacks over thinking I was a bad person, intrusive thoughts over thinking that I did terrible things to others, and the compulsive action of asking others for reassurance. My brain tells me that I am the type of person who I despise and it has drained me so much. I expected it to get better now that I’m out of the relationship but it’s only gotten worse (dont get me wrong I’m still goated) 

I’m also very focused on politics and morality and stuff so doing bad things is something that I’m very scared of along with having bad opinions

So, due to how seriously I take all of this stuff… if I was the person who my brain is telling me I am, I would have to kill myself. I cannot live as an abuser or anything else my brain tells me I am. The idea of me having done terrible, abhorrent things to others makes me beyond disgusted. I am not a suicidal person but I would go against my own words and way of life if I DIDNT kill myself. My ocd has basically made it fact that I’m a bad person and I can’t get those thoughts away, but I’m so scared of death. I don’t want to die. But it feels so inevitable. 

I’m going to get counselling but if I have done even one of the things that my brain is so scared of then I will have to die. ohh my god I hate my life