How to become miserable 101

Warning this is just me whining, sorry.

To be fair nothing in my life has been so bad. Even so, i feel im miserable. My dad kind of doesnt give a shit about me. He says he does, but i know he doesnt; Its okay tho, because i kind of felt it ever since i gained consciousness, and i couldnt give less of a fuck about him either. I'm friends with people i despise because honestly school is a fucking bitch, and i've heard what people in mine do to unpleasant people, so... Yeah, not an option to be alone. There are cool people in my school but honestly i feel like my friendships keep me trapped. I know how it sounds ok, its just kind of what it is, bro. I mean, one of my "closest" friends is always leaving me alone but the second i talk to my other friends she acts like a crazy girlfriend, like wtf? On the other way, my other friend is kind of embarrassed of me and my group in general? Which is honestly kind of hypocritical. my other "friend" misgenders people that she doesn't like so like. yea. no. On top of that, im a guy that doesnt really pass and even worse, i have to use a stupid ass skirt because its the uniform. 

So recapitulating, a very nice way to be miserable in life is: be non-passing as a trans person, have transphobic, hypocrite, superficial friends surrounding you every day, your dad not giving a shit about you, your teachers not respecting you and your mom loving you conditionally. To be fair, maybe its my fault for being pessimistic, but i feel life kinda sucks and i really fucking wish i could have a cigarrette right now. My only wish in life is to get away from everything, maybe fucking i dont know man, isolate myself for a year, move to a house no one knows the address to, maybe on another city, another country who fucking cares.

Dude, life would be so much fucking easier if i was cis. Fuck people.