i feel like im losing my faith

ive been feeling this way for a while now i mean i grew up in a christian household and was raised up into that religion. when i heard stories of god from my family and talks about him in the bible i was always curious and confused but i believed in him. we always went to church on saturdays. but then over time when i heard stories about heaven and hell i just think why does it have to be this way? why does hell and heaven have to exist or why does sin have to exist? or why is there even a god? we're just tiny little humans on this planet that goes round and round. i always have so many questions that just can never be answered. the thought of just being in heaven forever with god and being a whole different being like immortal in these white purely gates while you have no memory of your family or anything it just makes me feel so sad. i know people want this they want to be with god and go to heaven and i want to as well but i don't want to forget everyone i know and love. i don't want to lose all my memories. it's so sad and it makes me cry everytime. then there's hell which is just burning to eternity for life and that sucks just as much. i don't want to die like that. i don't want to burn in fire just because i didn't make the right choice. why does death have to be so painful? i just idk my family tell me that god will save me if i just listen and obey to god but then being myself is wrong being trans is wrong to them and they like to use it against me all the time and they make me feel so bad and guilty for being who i am that i think god hates me. i literally went through so much shit thinking i had to "fix" myself or like be someone different just to please them and i asked god for forgiveness many times. till this day i feel ashamed of myself because my famiy made me feel that way and im just losing my faith in god everyday. like i barely believe in him much anymore. i don't know what to believe in anymore. im just lost and if my family thinks that I'll go to hell just for being myself then so be it. i don't want to be in a world that doesn't give a shit about me anyways.