I miss the hospital

when I was at the psych ward it was so nice over there, just hanging around kids my age, everyone having a good time, being told when to wake up but still being allowed to sleep in, breakfast and lunch at the dinner table all together like a family.

Reminded me of when I was still just a little kid

reminded me of middle school. Back when everything was just a joke, back when nothing mattered, in the back of Mr. Ocampo's class, me, Jack, Travis, Evan, and juju

those days were the best

that's something I'll never get back

but I saw that in hospital

it felt different from school

hanging around people with the same issues as me 

it felt so reliving to finally be myself with no consequences 

not having to worry about my homework or If my mom has her ear to the door

and sure I got mad at times

when I had to take those antidepressants 

and yeah I did get sad when my friends left

but new ones came

that one suicidal girl that kept calling me a discord user

saraba who would flinch at loud noises and go into who her room when people argued but was drew fashion designs like an artist

brooklyn the anger issues girl who always made fun of other people and never backed down but deep down had a heart of gold

emarion the big boy who always made people laugh and was the glue to everyone there

Emily who was always there when things were boring and cracked jokes with me

Juliana the twink who helped me when I first got there and made me feel at home

matthew my roomie who was there with me for the entire two weeks and would tell me amazing stories of his adventures, a real one that I'll never forget till I die

illiana the crackhead who... eh never mind

and there was almond, Eddie,, ameillio, the wrestler dude, tristan, Lexi, and Bradley too that all made the place feel like a place made just for me 

I learned that I don't need my freedom to be happy, hell I think its better if I don't have it

the only reason I don't threaten to kms to get sent back there is because that stupid fucking doctor said that I would come back there eventually 

so like always I wont do whats best for me out of spite

I hate being a punk