i'm tired.

im getting worse again. im just so tired. im too tired to take care of myself. i'm tired enough that taking care of myself is no longer a priority---in fact, taking care of myself takes enough energy that the priority is to neglect myself. purposefully? i can't tell anymore. i don't even know how to talk to people anymore. i'm tired and nauseated all the time. i can't eat anything because anything is too much. i can't do nothing because doing nothing means gaining weight---but if i don't eat anything i can't gain anything. it's a hellish cycle of relapse relax relapse relax relapse relax. i wish i could escape my body where i'm stuck in this circular motion of hurting and hating the hurt and healing and hating the healing. i want someone to pull me out of it but i don't know how to ask anyone for help.