I'm Upset you didn't change the cycle.

He's turning five and yet you aren't any better than your father before you and his before him. That's crazy to me. Five years & nine months and yet all that leave your lips is excuse after another. 

Do you know he loves trains? Or that he's starting to get nightmares. He is ethereal incarnate. His light has a deeper shine you have yet to see. 

I try not to hate you I do, but because you gave me this light that gives me love like I've never known, even when this village that helps me raise our light tells me I should. That you are dust and will go anywhere but where our son is. Providing in only cash in place of your absence can only take you so far. Just don't forget that because you didn't break your cycle it will continue his phone bills paid in your replacement of affection. Or maybe the silent car rides only to buy a game that you won't understand and maybe then he will finally end it with you. Maybe he will forgive you maybe he won't hold animosity in his throat when he sees you. 

Do you ever see the one who hurt you when you look in that mirror? Does the weight build in your chest knowing you didn't change for the better?  C one day I hope you give our light the love he deserves I pray it hits you before that reflection you see becomes you consumes you building itself into a four-wall apartment that sits empty without light without laughter and love. Just alone 

(For context I'm a single mom to an autistic toddler and their father isn't in the picture much raising this child hasn't been easy believe me I've tried to understand his point of view)