i'm not really sure why but i can't get my head to function. i feel very unmotivated all the time, my room is completely nasty and my dirty clothes pile is two times bigger than me, even more i think, but i just can't bring myself to do anything about it. my body just won't respond. i can't even bring myself to do things i love. playing guitar, drawing, making animations, cooking, writing, composing, none of it catches my attention. i know this is just one of my episodes and that's why i hate it. i have borderline personality disorder as well as adhd so it's hard for me to stick to a routine, especially in an episode, i barely shower or leave my bed, let alone brush my teeth.
my head keeps spiraling around this feeling of dread, disdain fills me as i wake up every morning, finding myself alive one more day. my meds aren't working i think. or i don't know. maybe i'm the problem.
sorry about this sudden vent stuff.
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s.c.o.t.t.i.e
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, it's hard when you get into an episode and it's hard to escape. Please ensure to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and see about getting a medication adjustment. I'm sure it would help a lot to check and see if maybe it is your meds, and begin the process of getting new medication.
I say a good place to start would be cleaning your room, it's taboo but a clean space helps a clean mind. Here's what I recommend doing to start cleaning your room:
Most the time that cleans up all the room and makes it nice and tidy! If you want to go the extra mile make your bed as well, this will make a huge difference.
I really am sending you all my positive vibes, wishing you the best!