LIBRARY AND TROUBLES WITH SOCIAL LIFE

I went to the library to study, and right now I'm a little tired so I can't be too descriptive about how my day went since my brain feels like it just completed a marathon. I also recently read this little picture book. It was this boy who wanted to catch a star, but it was out of reach. He considered that he'd catch it in the morning because the star would be exhausted from hanging there for so long. He waited a long time until it finally appeared, he climbed a tree but he still couldn't grasp it. He considered building a Rocketship, but it was one made out of paper, and he didn't have the proper amounts of fuel to drag him all the way to space. He'd ask birds, but it seemed complacent in not helping him. he found the reflection of the star in the water, but all it did was ripple when he buried his hand in the lake. When he considered giving up, he found a big star-right on the beach! And there, he could finally have this own little star of his. 

It was really cute. When i think about it metaphorically, it's almost like trying to chase an unattainable goal/a desire that deems you unqualified to retrieve it, so you have to be satisfied in what you have in the world. 

I noticed all these chairs lined up in front of a blanket that featured a circus tent with the words "Magic House" on it. There were toddlers and parents sitting there, waiting for the director to set everything up. There were some books about magic and trinkets on the table, I found it pretty endearing. If I'm being honest, I kinda wanted to sit down and watch too. I don't really think it's that childish. I always want to keep my curiosity in tact, even if it's something as small as this. Watching all the children yelp and cheer in joy at something we'd consider so obviously fake is still really cute, you know?   It's nice to revisit memories from the past, to immerse yourself in the feeling of innocence. 

I'm always told to make friends in a controlled environment, so sometimes it feels restraining when there's nothing I can do but watch all the other kids sing nursery rhymes in merry go rounds and girls giggle with each other as they spend their day in cafes and playgrounds. It's hard to interact with other kids in school sometimes, since in my own experience, you can only get along if you have social media accounts or if you know specific internet memes. I like the kind of socializing where everyone got along by going out and making up games when  they were bored, finding shapes in clouds play pretend and whatnot. (I don't mean to present myself as superior to them in any way, I think having social media and playing video games is fun. But having it be the only way to bond with someone, it's so monotonous...)

"That's so boring." My childhood friend remarked on a shared stroll together, refusing to pull her gaze from her phone. "Why did we have to go on this stupid walk? Can't we just play some games instead?"

Sometimes I want to do childish things. I really wish I could go up to houses and ask neighbors if they have kids I could hang out with, like those friendly little neighbor tropes in tv shows--or at least explore the neighborhood to look for any kids outside that I could converse with. I like people. I like learning about them and what makes them who they are and what they like. Visit me often, why don't we go near some marinas where we appreciate these calm, blue faced waters? Why don't we try to solve a puzzle or have nice a nice study session at your house? I can try to play hide and seek with you in a community park, looking behind various trees and slides before having you reveal yourself to be neatly camouflaged underneath some staircases. We can kick rocks on the way back, maybe even make a friend with a pebble and have it accompany us each time we hang out. Let's hug trees and make flower crowns, it's okay if my hands get muddy. Hopscotch, jump rope, ring around, can't we go outside sometime?