Off Putting Weirdo? Social Super Power.

This morning I tried a new cafe.

I live in a town that is slowly catering more and more to the hipster crowd as it develops/ gets gentrified. It is the first day of my junior year at university, and I have a big gap in my classes. I commute, and I don't have any schoolwork to keep me occupied, so I decided to leave campus for a fun lunch as a reward. 

When I was in high school, I had pretty bad social anxiety. I think it was a side effect of living through the pandemic in some of my most formative years. When I turned 18 and graduated high school, I suddenly began to be more confident and change my life. I got a job, then, shortly after, a driver's license. A majority of the anxiety and stress I felt about the most mundane things, like paying for gas or making phone calls, just melted off my shoulders. 

These past two years, I have learned to be more comfortable in myself and my actions. However, sometimes I still catch a glimpse of the person I used to be. I didn't know exactly where I wanted to grab lunch today and intended to grab fast food. On a whim, I remembered the place that just opened, and I've been meaning to try it all summer. I work at an ice cream shop, and I serve customers all the time, so I took a page from their book when I ordered. I started with something like, "Hi, how are you doing?" "I've never been here before ☺" pretty normal (super happy and super smiley bc I was born and raised and still live in the Southern United States where manners are a BIGGG thing), and my server was not having it LOL. When she didn't match my energy, my whole vibe was thrown off. When she asked for the name for my order, I was weird. When other people came up to get their orders, I was weird and awkward, all up in the way. She was nice about it. Don't get me wrong. It's lunchtime; she has probably already served a lot of people this morning. I get it. But I left feeling embarrassed. 

As I walked to my car, it hit me that I don't care. It's simple and sometimes silly to say you don't care what others think, but like, nah, that is real. The realest you can get, because it is never that serious. I've recently decided I'll always choose to be a little weird because life is so boring and depressing, walking on eggshells so you don't embarrass yourself. I think people around my age are especially having a hard time with this. I call it the Nonchalant-demic. Everyone is aura farming and trying to be mysterious as hell, and for what? I have met some of the nicest people and my best friends by putting myself out there and being a bit off-putting and a bit weird. And I've NEVER made any friends being quiet or nonchalant. 

AND I enjoyed my $20 sandwich and cold brew this afternoon, and I look forward to the rest of my FIRST WEEK :)