Since the age of 13 i have liked goth girls. It was a pretty formative event in my life and I've liked them ever since. However I can't help but shake the feeling that they'd want nothing to do with me. I don't share anything in common with them! Politically, musically, or aesthetically. I have respect for what they do, though. It really hurts my soul and it's been bothering me for months now. Perhaps I'm too much of an optimist assuming they'd be willing to date outside of their niche, but I'm clinging on to what little hope I have left. I feel like an outsider, lost and wandering, like I don't belong anywhere.
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s.c.o.t.t.i.e
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and it does suck to feel like an outsider when you're doing your best to fit in especially with a particular niece.
I used to dress goth, I'm still a bit into the goth scene myself. I can say that from a semi-goth perspective, when you don't align on big things like politics it can make dating very difficult. In todays worlds of politics and how things are politically, politics are more than ever a stressful thing that people put onto relationships. That's not to say that all people are stressful about politics, because they aren't. I've met plenty of people from basic, to alt, to goth, to punk, etc. who date outside of their circle. However, it really depends on the person and their values, as well as your values and what you misalign about.
I definitely can understand being bitter about only interacting through academic and clinical settings, however as you age a lot of the time the only time you make friends is through an academic setting. Once you hit college sure you may expand once you go to bars and make some friends, go to parties, etc. if that's your thing but in my own experience I really only spoke to people at college. That's because, similar to high school, you're all packed in a room with one another for possibly hours on end. However, you are bound to make some connection with some great people who share similar interests.
That's not to say there isn't a way to make friends as you age, because there definitely is! Plenty of things to do, people to meet, places to explore, etc. It's just finding the things you like to do and getting out there and doing it. You'll interact with more people and find more people who fit your values, beliefs, political standings, etc. by doing that.
Making friends and finding your niche that you fit into takes time, it takes getting out there and doing things to connect with others. For example if you like art, a wine and paint is commonly hosted at art places (sometimes for free or for a small fee) that you can go and make connections with people. Going to museums, music shows, and even public pokemon matches at card shops is a great way to make friends and connections. It'll help you feel less like an outsider and connect with others more on a deeper level.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it does suck. However, I can say that you will find your person, you will find your group of people that make you feel less alone, it just takes time.
Sending you lots of positive energy!
I am quite autistic, I wouldn't completely rule out college, but parties are a no go
by zzzanderrr; ; Report
Totally get that, as a diagnosed autistic myself parties can be very overstimulating.
I enjoy making friends through my other friends, at work, and back when I was in college I would make them in classes. Generally though, the easiest way I made friends was making them through my other friends.
It's a lot easier to have a social interaction when you are introduced to someone, let the conversation flow, then open up. If you have friends, it may be worth reaching out to them and discuss that you are wanting to make more friends and would love to meet their other friends. People are typically quite open to introducing people to each other when asked.
My recommendation for opening up and making friends is playing into the strengths of your personality. Let's say you're really good at giving advice, letting people open up, giving them advice, and creating a bond that way is a great way to make connection. Or let's say your strong suite is making people laugh, being a social situation and making people laugh and working on your funny bone is a great way to make connection as well. It's all about working on the strengths of your personality and what you're good at personality wise.
by s.c.o.t.t.i.e; ; Report
I have neither friends nor (at the moment) a job. I am applying tho
by zzzanderrr; ; Report
I'm sorry, well I do wish you luck on your job search!!
by s.c.o.t.t.i.e; ; Report
Thanks for not treating me like shit it goes a long way
by zzzanderrr; ; Report
zzzanderrr
If the only female interaction you had was thru academic and clinical settings, you'd be bitter, too