radical love

This will start by being a disorganized recollection of what I think about while walking and consuming right-wing, or right-wing-leaning media because I don’t want to stay in my  echo chambers, and I think that to beat your enemy, you must understand your enemy. Besides the egregious amount of hate and ignorance, the most noticeable thing in those spaces was pain. Now that’s not to say “awww poor white supremacist”, I’m just trying to point out that even the most “articulate” of writers/speakers in those spaces come off to me as misbehaved children. Kids that believe the whole world has wronged them. That they’re entitled to that toy they saw, even if their parents don’t have the funds to get it, or that they have the right to a poor man’s donut because they want it, disregarding the humanity of the man who's most likely holding the most calorically dense meal he’s had today. Anyways, as I was thinking about how a lot of right-wingers think, I was also thinking about how a lot of people I know who consider themselves good people, leftists, or just morally superior people are really close to just becoming right-wing, and how if it wasn’t politically incorrect to do certain actions or if the world around them wasn’t as “progressive” as it is now they would be just like the ignorant people from the past they clown on. Today I’m gonna talk about empathy, sympathy, religion, and ableism. Before I start, I’d like to say I’m definitely not perfect, and I often get disgusted with myself for my lack of empathy in certain situations and my own ableist behavior, because I make it a point not to forgive my sins more than I would the sins of another. I've noticed that a lot of behaviors that are regarded as corny are mainly behaviors that a lot of neurodivergent engage in which i know is a grass is green take but I think it’s odd that people will preach about how much they support the mentally ill but that support comes to halt when it’s things that give them second hand embarrassment. And I’ve noticed myself thinking, “oh well they shouldn’t get bullied for it but they shouldn’t be mad if they get a little laughed at because how they’re acting is in orthodox lol” and I don’t like that. Because why should there be a limit to people's, and my own empathy? And I’ve also noticed myself talking about “natural urges” and “just how humans are”, but the thing about humans is we can choose to change thinking patterns in real time which has been one reason for my recent lack of misanthropy(because that’s so cool!!). Phrases I’ve caught myself saying like “are you slow”, “do you ride the short bus” and other distasteful things like that make me want to curl up in a ball because how can we all be so hateful, mocking, and ignorant towards neurodivergent individuals? How could we? How could I? Why must we as a society banish them to the hell of social ostracization and feeling like an outsider because of their “crime” of just being different? Also with everyone saying the R slur as of late. I hate it. I hate that word. And just hearing another person saying it is like nails on a chalkboard to me because no matter how you twist it in modern times it literally means “neurodivergent = stupid”,  even neurodivergent individuals using it to me is equally upsetting because no matter how you twist it in your head, when people are using it, it just means “neurodivergent = dumb”. Quick side track, i hate how being woke is seen as a bad thing, i personally make it my life goal to get as awake as i possibly can and i hate the phrase “so woke you’re asleep” or whatever because no they weren’t woke in the first place, because they haven’t looked inside themselves for internalized prejudice we ALL have and i feel like if you haven’t done that then you’re not really “woke” you’re just trying to be morally superior and you’re a coward. Which is hypocritical of me because I’m a coward myself, in a different way but a coward nonetheless. Anyways all the hate and mocking towards neurodivergent individuals makes me so upset especially when it’s coming from people who consider themselves morally superior because that just shows me your empathy is conditional and I just can’t take it. I consider myself agnostic to keep things simple, but I'm a believer in god. I believe in science, believe in us(humanity), I believe in you. I feel like besides the traditional emotions, somewhere up there, not in the sky just above us in an explicable way, is god. They’re a feeling and they’re everything. They don’t want to send us to hell but won’t just magically send us to heaven. We're out here to make heaven. They gave us the materials, aka our minds, so that we could. I don't imagine they’re pleased with how we’ve twisted their words to make books with rules and regulations that make being on this heavenly planet hell.  Like Crona from Soul Eater said, hell isn’t somewhere down below with lakes of fire and demons, it’s our minds, but heaven can be our minds too. That’s why we have creativity, that’s why we can perceive the world in all kinds of ways. That’s also why I’ll never consider myself a realist because we didn’t improve and make the beautiful earth that we love hurting so frequently and so very deeply, a “heaven” or just more fun and easy to be on by being realistic and sticking to facts and what’s right in front of us(not by exclusively sticking to that). We shouldn’t be padlocked to reality, we should be drifting with it, we should be able to still touch and stroke it as we lift off into fantasy. I believe in God because I believe in humanity. And even though they’ve twisted gods words to oppress others and aid Satan in keeping hell spinning, if we untether ourselves from reality (what I mean is looking at things~thebible~ metaphorically, rather than taking it literally, we can still see what god was trying to teach us). I don’t believe god is some dude in the sky whom you pray to wish away the pain and suffering, I believe that they were there during the Big Bang, they were there during evolution. There are very few people who truly feel God's light and are doing what God intended us to do. God wants us to love, God is love, God wants us to grow, God wants us to evolve, God wants us to live to live and let live. To transition and be able to see each other. Touch each other (not just physically). God wants us to bask in each others light because that God's light! Don’t forget God is pain too. Satan is just what we do with the pain. Satan is hate. Satan is closed mindedness. Satan is misunderstanding, or understanding and still deciding to choose your best interest no matter who it hurts. Satan is capitalism. Im going to end it off here because i’m getting to emotional to write because thinking about this reminds me of my fear the antichrist is here and that the world is going to end. Anyways besides my maybe delusional thoughts, as much as I love the journey of getting to bask in each other's light, I wouldn’t mind the third impact. But that’s a thought process i’m trying to resist. see you next time. tinkle hoy.