Shoveling shit into my mouth

Lowkey forgot they flag stuff on the Chromebook at school so they brought me into the office and read the first part of my blog back to me

This time I was too tired to make an excuse and just said I didn’t write it

She def didn’t buy it specially cuz of last terms track record, but there’s not much they can do about it besides offer me the programs and shit

Maybe one day I’ll be able to answer honestly

Everything I eat tastes like shit

Everything I drink tastes like shit

Everything around me I just get pissed at

I can tell the apple is sweet and that I’d usually like it, most other people would say that it’s good but it just tastes disgusting, even when I’m not eating anything It feels like my mouth is full of piss

I think I’m about to have an episode if I’m not already in one, I’m angrier than ever and I don’t know why

I think my depression is turning into anger issues

Except both are still there so I’m just a rock that can’t do anything but hate the grass and sky around it

It’s the Tuesday of the third week and I had to drop jrotc bc of my hair, Ik you have to to join the Air Force but I’m just not ready yet, plus I can’t join straight out of hs anyway bc I can’t own a gun for 5 more years

Graphic design, the class I switched into is nice tho, it’s what I was hoping to get out of visual art, like how to draw Instead of just drawing 

Fuck

I tried to find something using clairvoyance in a dream and  when I tried I couldn’t, so I really wanted to die right then

I wanted to die in a dream

we deadass?

Dream

THATS WHAT THE MASK IS

or something like that lol

Every time I have an episode I always think that it don’t do anything like write or blog then I’ll just be stuck like that forever, self pitying and shit

And everytime no matter what I do it ends anyway 

Except does it really end?

Does it really end if I’m happy for two weeks just do have another month long period of hell

“Makes you wonder, what was it all for?”-Tatsuki Fujimoto

It’s exactly the same as it was last year, trouble sleeping, trouble waking up, trouble focusing and thinking, Trouble.

“If I move out will I really feel happier?”

I usually ignore these questions because I don’t think I can trust myself when I’m like this, but will anything ever happen?

It’s just the counselors that make me feel like shit

Stares