Songs that piss me off - part 1? - A Horse with No Name

Taste in music is a lot like farts.

Your own is 'okay', and everyone else's stinks.

Okay, I'm going to write about a few songs that K think are terrible.

I'm going to TRY to avoid being critical over style and genre! That's a 'taste' thing, and I probably LIKE your taste in music, or at least like that YOU like it, or at least recognize that I have NO BUSINESS criticizing someone's taste! 

Generally speaking, I'm likely to write these in fun, light criticism of songs from artists I LIKE, and more often critical of the lyrics or specific compositional choices rather than the genre, style, or 'worthiness' of the song.

Also, I'm probably not going to write about songs that are intentionally racist, 'phobic, or any of that sort. Because: A) too easy to be critical of and B) I won't want to expose the reach of songs like those, even by criticizing them.

Here we go.

This song pisses me off.

A Horse with No Name - by America.

Nothing wrong with a soft rock classic from the early 70s, right? Aw heck, 1971 was a GREAT year for music with so many ground breaking albums released! 

First, the musical elements.

I don't think I've ever been this bored listening to a top hit from a band I actually kind of like in a genre I actually don't hate. But this snooze fest doesn't measure up to songs of theirs like "Sister Golden Hair" or "Ventura Highway"

What makes it boring?

First, harmonic structure.

It is i - bVII over and over again. Just lays kind of flat and repetitious in the verse, but in the chorus, where you hope things might be different? Nope. Same two chords, but voiced different and with some different extensions. 

There are exciting ways to groove over two chords. Heck, even one chord. This is not it.

Second, melodically. It is a flat line melody. Not delivered with ANY sort of flow like a good rapper, or even an old 'talking blues', but just droning on and on in the most milquetoast sort of way like a deep discussion on different varieties of mayonnaise. 

But the elements that really piss me off are the lyrics and lyrical themes.

Only about a half minute in: "The heat was hot and the ground was dry, and ... "

What's that you say? How's that? The 'heat' was ... 'hot'?

Groundbreaking stuff there, Bill Nye! Next, you'll tell me the toast was 'toasty'.

But over all it's this:

"After nine days, I let the horse run free because ..."

Nine day.

You've been riding that poor horse for nine fucking days through the desert, complete with hot heat and all and at no point could you cobble together any sort of name for the poor animal?

No bond? No nothing? Not even a simple nickname as an identifier as to why this particular horse might be meaningful to you over the sea of other horses roaming the world in places where the heat might be somewhat less hot?

Why not "Charlie"? "Charlie's as good a name as any!"

I get it, "I've been through the desert on a horse named 'Charlie' horse" doesn't have the same flow and you can't be bothered to rework lyrics past "Heat was hot", 

But literally HOW this song became not only a hit, but a classic endurance through the soft rock and yacht rock collective conscious is beyond me.

Gah!

Tune in next time when I might have a go at Natasha Bedingfield or Billy Joel or some such. 

Meanwhile, here's the dumb song I'm ranting about. Don't listen.