the psychiatry is actively destroying me

i got sent to a psychitaric clinic second week into the summer holidays. the first three weeks had been very good; now I just want to leave. it has nothing to do with homesickness or similar; i can go home on the weekends. but lately I started to hate it here. everything has gotten stricter, the therapy and tactics dont help at all, more snobbish patients replace old ones and I'm so tired when I get back home on saturdays. everyone excepts countless of things from me. I wanted to clean my room for over a month but anytime I come back home I feel tired to the bone and cant function. my rooms a mess, I cant find things anymore but I just want to rest for once. I'm constantly surrounded by people that want to talk to me. I just want to be left alone. i feel worser than before. i wasted my summer and be released in november, the month that is the worst for me. I planned so much stuff with my friends in the holidays. though the only thing we did together was go to a con. we wanted to go to a concert as well but the clinic didn't allow it. selfishly enough, I also didn't wanted to go, I was yet again tired. visiting time is on wednesdays, but I live farer away from the clinic than most patients. in summer break my friends couldve visited me, they had time. but I declined because visiting time was the only time I was allowed to be alone for once. now they cant visit, they have school. I keep letting people down. I wanted to meet up with a friend yesterday to do a sleepover, but my room is a mess, I had a hard time even getting out of bed. I called it of last minute like the fuckass I am. two days before, my best friend asked if I wanted to watch the new resident evil. I declined that as well because I wanted to do the sleepover. when I declined the sleepover though, I didnt dare to ask if I could go along because it would be too unfair. today I found out my whole friendgroup met up to watch the movie. i havent seen most of them in four months. I feel like life is moving past me and that their life's can move on. it's all my fault and I shouldn't be mad or cry I see what I do wrong but I dont have the strength to get better I just want to leave get me out please