Vent (1/??)

uhhh first vent out in public I'm kinda scared!! but its not like I need advice or anything, I just wish to get it off my chest. don't feel pressured to comment or reply advice.

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So for context I was in a 8 month relationship with someone, I loved them dearly, they are the best possible person ever in this entire world, no one could replace them..

But they suffer from some mental issues, as do I, but their case is much more severe, and with their problem, it makes them spiral and think of many outcomes just based off their thoughts, not in any real world scenarios(much like OCD).

But I thought everything was going well, we had just reached out 8th month anniversary on July 5th, and while she did have a couple of issues she wanted to talk to me about I happily helped her out, I listened, made her feel cared for, reminded her she wasn't a burden.

"I love you, forever, Taya(my name)." she said.

but the day after, I woke up to a breakup text.

she said "I don't deserve you, you deserve someone better."

but I told her I didn't need anyone better, I loved her in all of her issues, that I could handle it.

she was the only person who understood me, she was the only person who lasted long with me and made promises she said she'd never break, a future, a hope, a gleam in my life of darkness.

but after she repeated herself, I finally understood what she meant.

she lost feelings for me.

...

2 months ago, she told me she would stay with me forever, that she wouldn't let me go, and that if I tried she'd tie me up and keep me with her(affectionately), that was 2 months ago.

she made me believe her words, she made me feel like there was some hope for me to getting better, if I wasn't going to get better for myself, I'd do it for her.

but she left me, now theres no point in me getting better.

it just sucks, she promised she'd take care of me, I trusted her, to believe her, to depend on her.

and now it feels like she threw me away abruptly.

..This isn't the first instance though.

a few months back, she questioned her value to me, said I was too kind for her, but she didn't want to lose me.

I understood that, I comforted her.

but I think I realized now, she was just leading me on.

how could she do that?

how could she lead me on 8 months long? when she was in my daily routine, my reason to wake up and get better?

I think that's why she left me, I was too much, too caring.

I don't think I'd love someone like that again, its only been a week and a half since then, but its like a permanent stab to my gut.

how am I going to recover from this?