I feel like I just drive people away.. that I am entirely worthless and everyone would be better off without me. I feel like I'm just put on this earth to hurt. No one likes me in real life, I know it's true.. every micro expression they make, body language, and the only person I felt understood me is now homeschooled.. why is it that when I am friends with someone, they leave, stay but still feels like they hate me, or get homeschooled? I fucking hate being an overthinker.. I feel like everyone would be better off without me.. I wish I could just disappear to see their reactions.. would they mourn me? or would they be happy? would they even notice or care? at least I know some teachers like me.. but I wish I could read people's minds.. like a search bar, type my name and see what they think about me.. I don't care if it's bad or good.. I just wanna know if they truly like me or if they pretend as to not hurt my feelings.. but even then, why would they be friends with me despite not liking me? do they pity me? or are they friends with me just because they think it is funny to be friends with a childish person? I feel like a burden and a useless nobody. It's gotten so bad that I started going back to bad habits.. pulling my hair, biting my nails, and SH.
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annie_07
i don't think you drive people away. of course it would depend on the type of person that they are, but i think you hold so many cognitive distortions that you yourself behave in self sabotage and cut off friendship. you seem to participate in excessive self blame and you do seem to analyze every micro-expression and body movement... you know, i'm glad you're aware about the fact that you over-think.
you know, there is a way to actually analyze people. perhaps the way i did it was observing social interactions and learning a little bit about psychology , but for me that took months, and at least a year.
you seem to really care about the way you treat people, so i believe you aren't inherently bad. i know some people can be driven away by negativity and such. so probably start taking care of yourself first! not for others, but for yourself. i don't think you can love others til you do the same for yourself, and people loving you won't achieve healing
you're a human being too and you DO matter
(i recommend looking into cognitive distortions and cbt therapy)
by annie_07; ; Report
thanks for telling me.. you explained it very well. and I think you're right. cognitive distortion fits me well. I will also look into cbt therapy, thanks for the information.
by sleepy.moe; ; Report