wanting romantic attention & being asocial

if you’ve read any of my blogs you know that I don’t care about people. I simply cant; I feel very little platonic attraction and little to no sexual and romantic attraction, and I have no familial attraction at all (if we even need to mention that). 

Despite that, though, I do want a romantic or at least queerplatonic partner. I want to make it more equal than my past relationships, where I didn’t love the other person at all as much as I was generally entertained by them, while still having a level of the reverence I adore. I see myself as something completely non-human, in a way; I could go into how I see myself and the 3D and 4D and collective unconscious but I won’t. But I do see myself as a mystical, non-human thing that is meant to be interacted with without the assumption that I will be normal in any way. I don’t want to be socialised with or looked at or interacted with normally because I’m not normal at all, and I think I’m incredibly interesting, so there would still be a level of…detachment in a romantic relationship. 

While I do like telling people the ins and outs of my being, I want someone to experience it more closely. To really get into the flower covered corpse that is me. To do a case study on this young man. That is, along with the normal things like cuddling and kissing and spending time with eachother and whatever, what a true relationship would be to me. I’ve been in very obsessive relationships before so now it’s all I’m really used to. I want to be someone’s main focus; I’m my own world, so they should have one foot in that world too. While of course still being healthy and having other friends and stuff. Yeah. I want to be studied and worshipped and torn apart