Happy Monday y'all!
I'm going to be starting a series of sorts where I pull a tarot card every Monday to see what I need to focus and reflect on during the week. I may add updates if I experience any sorts of revelations or see things come to fruition, etc. I'm hoping to stay consistent with this, and would appreciate accountability! These are going to be personal readings, but if you resonate with anything, that's awesome!
Here's what I pulled for the week:
- Card: Temperance reversed
- Deck: Ethereal Visions Illuminated Tarot Deck by Matt Hughes
- Little White Book (LWB) description: Temperance appears when there is a need for balance of opposing areas in your life. You are being asked to be patient and re-examine priorities in your life that are in disharmony. Temperance assists us by pointing you to life's meaning and purpose.
- Upright: Balance, harmony, purpose, moderation
- Reversed: Competition, frustration, excess, imbalance
There has been a lot of imbalance in my life lately, especially in the financial and career departments. I was laid off from my job back in February and have yet to find employment. I'm thankfully on unemployment, but I only get $186 a week, which isn't much at all. And I can tell it puts a bit of a strain on mine and my husband's relationship. We're good romantically, but my husband is stressed out from being the breadwinner. He makes just enough for us to stay afloat, but with rising costs and economic and political instability, that could come to an end soon.
It really sucks not having money, and not being able to go out and do fun things. I'm usually holed up in the apartment, glued to a screen, because it's just the easier thing to do. And it sucks up all my focus, time, and energy. I know I should be doing something more meaningful with my time, but the algorithm overlords want my attention. I definitely need to cut back on my screentime and get back into being creative again.
That's another thing that's been sitting heavy on my mind lately. My creativity. I used to draw all the time as a kid. It was my favorite thing to do. It was what I wanted to do as an adult. And now that I am an adult, it's something I rarely pick up anymore. I used to blame it on art school, and still do, for burning me out on it. But it's been seven years now. I think it's more the fact that I'm out of practice, and my perfectionism makes me think that if I can't do it right the first time, then I just shouldn't do it at all. Which is the antithesis of what art is all about. I also struggle with comparing myself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy, they say, but damn it's hard not to see others thriving and put myself down for it. I know I'm skilled, and that I always have room for improvement, and so does everyone else. But it's still so hard to not be jealous of others.
I'm currently waiting for a replacement charging cable for my laptop to come in on Wednesday (I'm borrowing my husband's laptop for the time being). As soon as it comes in, I'm going to sit down at my desk and doodle on my tablet. And I'm gonna tell myself that it doesn't have to be good. And if something more comes out of it, great! If nothing comes out of it and I get frustrated, also great! Because at least I did something creative. I also need to hunker down and start being more proactive about finding a new job. It's been really nice not working, but I need money, and I need something to do that isn't doom scrolling.
There are other things that have been bothering me, like our current political climate in the US and such, but those things are completely out of my control. For now, I need to focus on myself and what I can do to make myself feel a little better. I need to touch grass. I need to just let myself be bored and see where my mind wanders off to. I need to let myself feel my emotions instead of turning to my phone for a distraction. I need to just let myself be human.
I think that's gonna be it for now. Let me know your thoughts and if you resonated with anything. Looking forward to next week!
Comments
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Cranky Old Witch
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Not completely out of your control. Almost completely out of your control! Almost.
For now, you still have your voice. Talk to people, especially in your voting district. Especially if they are 'fence sitting' on issues that are important to you.
For now, you can still contact your representatives. Mayor, governor, representative in the house, senators, your state legislators, any and all. If you email them, that's better than nothing. A phone call, if you get more than voice mail, is worth maybe 10 emails. A letter with a stamp affixed and all is worth maybe ten phone calls.
They listen to people that actually reach out to them, and if you can get a few local friends to do the same, it magnifies it. (especially to your representative in the House, it's an election year, and yours is a voice only against the others in your district, not the whole country, nor even the whole state.
Now, about being stuck.
Right now you have an opportunity.
The opportunity to harness the powers of "poor" and "bored"
There are few other forces that motivate creativity more than this!
You draw! Even NOT on your tablet, if you're still waiting for your cord. Go art something!
Think on the things that are still 'free' like a walk down the street, or at the park, ir the local woods, or whatever. But direct it! Look for the things that inspire you creatively. Or, at least, if something catches your eye, don't blow that off, ut think on what it can do for your creative juices.
You’re definitely right. I’m a blue dot in a bright, primary red state, so it seems almost futile, but maybe there’s at least one state politician that will give my voice a chance. I won’t know until I try.
I’ve been meaning to go out and about to local parks and such. My health makes it hard to be out for long periods of time, especially in the heat, but I know I’ve gotten better over the last few months. I survived Disney! I may start small and just sit out on the balcony if the wasps will allow me lol. There’s a lake in the back yard, I might just sit and stare for a while and see what inspires me :)
by indighost; ; Report
Doesn't even have to be in nature. In the heart of the city there's a place where an iron beam meats the concrete, and it's always in shade. With the drippings of this or that, it's always damp. There is an entropic beauty to the color of the rust within the many peeled paint corners on that beam, in how that rust streaks down the concrete with the movement of moisture. How the feint green of some sort of algae emanates around it and along the shadier damp spot. The green a contrast to the beige-grey of the concrete, made dark by the moisture, and ruddy-brown if the old iron. Art is everywhere! And the way that algae clings, life finds a way!
by Cranky Old Witch
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sniffmydecay
i really get this ♡
i hope getting back to your tablet feels easy, even if it's just messy at first. i don't think your creativity is gone, just kind of buried under everything right now <3
Thank you, that’s a good way of looking at it <3
by indighost; ; Report
Lori
Oh man, yeah I feel that creativity guilt. I used to draw all the time in high school and university but I think the university burnout killed it alongside with the joy I got from photography. Sometimes I try to get it back but it doesn't stick. Best of luck to us both there. I'm sure we can overcome it 💜
What is it with college sucking the joy out of people?? it's such a scam i swear
I believe in both of us!! We've got this! I think seeing each other's creative endeavors can be inspiring :)
by indighost; ; Report
To be fair part of my problem is that I was working way too many hours on top of being in school full time for a while and that probably broke something in my brain, but doing all that stuff for a grade was probably also definitely not great 🙃 Ah well. We persevere :)
by Lori; ; Report
Linkie
it's really easy to get swallowed up by the negativity (say no to doomscrolling!) but I hope you can find a teeny tiny itsy bit of comfort knowing that we're all in it together. suffering still, but together nonetheless. :P also, art is resistance! your art is AMAZING and beautiful and the world would be so lucky to see more from you!
We’re all in this togetherrrr~
But seriously, thank you <3 my brain likes to tell me I suck at what I do so hearing that I actually don’t is very comforting haha
by indighost; ; Report
Hazel
I'm also unemployed at the moment - somehow I managed to pick up another temporary gig, but it's so rough these days when it comes to any kind of employment. Hell, even with a paycheck it's tough.
I can relate to the artistic burnout. It's painful but it's important because there are times in life where you do need to slow down, assess your health and find another way to create that doesn't hurt ya. But I'm confident that you'll find your way through the bumps in the road!
The job market is absolute trash right now, so good on you for being able to find something, even if it is just temporary. Here’s hoping we’re both able to find something more stable in the near future!
Burnout sucks so much, especially when it’s from something you enjoy doing. I’m gonna take it slow, but maybe just doodling and easing myself back into it will help me get my spark back. Thanks for the vote of confidence friend <3
by indighost; ; Report
Pancreas Harvester
Site Supporter
I had no idea you could do a tarot on yourself ngl
You absolutely can!! It's so good for introspection and making sense of what's going on in your life and in your head. I know a lot of people say you have to be gifted your first deck but that's not true either haha
by indighost; ; Report
Guess I might have to give it a go!
by Pancreas Harvester
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thersgo
I know the feeling of perfectionism all too well, especially recently (...read: today and two days ago, namely); i have to put a fair bit of effort in to say "it doesn't matter what, just do something, and it'll work out eventually", despite knowing from experience that it's true.
thankfully, sharing my art here and with my friends on discord has helped a lot, hearing n' seeing encouragement even when i'm doubtful myself.
PS: though it's extremely late for it, maybe i should make a post about my annual new-years tarot reading i do, which is really the only time i get the cards out nowadays "^ ^) (i used to carry them around with me years back, using them as like a discussion partner / contemplation engine when i wasn't sure about something - kinda like a much more complex version of that whole "flip a coin on it, and then just gauge your reaction instead of following it directly" idea)
I think a lot of artists struggle with this, so just know you definitely aren't alone in that. It's so hard going against what your brain tells you, because it's like, that's *my brain*, why am I fighting myself?? Human psyches are weird, man.
I'm glad you're finding encouragement to keep going! From what I've seen of your work so far, I can tell you're extremely creative and talented and have so much potential to really create something fantastic!
And please do post, I would love to read it!! I've been reading on and off (but mostly off) for about five or six years now. I kinda just pick my cards up whenever I get a random spark of inspiration, but now I'm really trying to be more consistent with my practice. Would love to trade readings if you ever want to get some practice in!
by indighost; ; Report