Happy Monday y'all!
I'm going to be starting a series of sorts where I pull a tarot card every Monday to see what I need to focus and reflect on during the week. I may add updates if I experience any sorts of revelations or see things come to fruition, etc. I'm hoping to stay consistent with this, and would appreciate accountability! These are going to be personal readings, but if you resonate with anything, that's awesome!
Here's what I pulled for the week:
- Card: Temperance reversed
- Deck: Ethereal Visions Illuminated Tarot Deck by Matt Hughes
- Little White Book (LWB) description: Temperance appears when there is a need for balance of opposing areas in your life. You are being asked to be patient and re-examine priorities in your life that are in disharmony. Temperance assists us by pointing you to life's meaning and purpose.
- Upright: Balance, harmony, purpose, moderation
- Reversed: Competition, frustration, excess, imbalance
There has been a lot of imbalance in my life lately, especially in the financial and career departments. I was laid off from my job back in February and have yet to find employment. I'm thankfully on unemployment, but I only get $186 a week, which isn't much at all. And I can tell it puts a bit of a strain on mine and my husband's relationship. We're good romantically, but my husband is stressed out from being the breadwinner. He makes just enough for us to stay afloat, but with rising costs and economic and political instability, that could come to an end soon.
It really sucks not having money, and not being able to go out and do fun things. I'm usually holed up in the apartment, glued to a screen, because it's just the easier thing to do. And it sucks up all my focus, time, and energy. I know I should be doing something more meaningful with my time, but the algorithm overlords want my attention. I definitely need to cut back on my screentime and get back into being creative again.
That's another thing that's been sitting heavy on my mind lately. My creativity. I used to draw all the time as a kid. It was my favorite thing to do. It was what I wanted to do as an adult. And now that I am an adult, it's something I rarely pick up anymore. I used to blame it on art school, and still do, for burning me out on it. But it's been seven years now. I think it's more the fact that I'm out of practice, and my perfectionism makes me think that if I can't do it right the first time, then I just shouldn't do it at all. Which is the antithesis of what art is all about. I also struggle with comparing myself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy, they say, but damn it's hard not to see others thriving and put myself down for it. I know I'm skilled, and that I always have room for improvement, and so does everyone else. But it's still so hard to not be jealous of others.
I'm currently waiting for a replacement charging cable for my laptop to come in on Wednesday (I'm borrowing my husband's laptop for the time being). As soon as it comes in, I'm going to sit down at my desk and doodle on my tablet. And I'm gonna tell myself that it doesn't have to be good. And if something more comes out of it, great! If nothing comes out of it and I get frustrated, also great! Because at least I did something creative. I also need to hunker down and start being more proactive about finding a new job. It's been really nice not working, but I need money, and I need something to do that isn't doom scrolling.
There are other things that have been bothering me, like our current political climate in the US and such, but those things are completely out of my control. For now, I need to focus on myself and what I can do to make myself feel a little better. I need to touch grass. I need to just let myself be bored and see where my mind wanders off to. I need to let myself feel my emotions instead of turning to my phone for a distraction. I need to just let myself be human.
I think that's gonna be it for now. Let me know your thoughts and if you resonated with anything. Looking forward to next week!
Comments
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Pancreas Harvester
I had no idea you could do a tarot on yourself ngl
You absolutely can!! It's so good for introspection and making sense of what's going on in your life and in your head. I know a lot of people say you have to be gifted your first deck but that's not true either haha
by indighost; ; Report
Guess I might have to give it a go!
by Pancreas Harvester; ; Report
thersgo
I know the feeling of perfectionism all too well, especially recently (...read: today and two days ago, namely); i have to put a fair bit of effort in to say "it doesn't matter what, just do something, and it'll work out eventually", despite knowing from experience that it's true.
thankfully, sharing my art here and with my friends on discord has helped a lot, hearing n' seeing encouragement even when i'm doubtful myself.
PS: though it's extremely late for it, maybe i should make a post about my annual new-years tarot reading i do, which is really the only time i get the cards out nowadays "^ ^) (i used to carry them around with me years back, using them as like a discussion partner / contemplation engine when i wasn't sure about something - kinda like a much more complex version of that whole "flip a coin on it, and then just gauge your reaction instead of following it directly" idea)
I think a lot of artists struggle with this, so just know you definitely aren't alone in that. It's so hard going against what your brain tells you, because it's like, that's *my brain*, why am I fighting myself?? Human psyches are weird, man.
I'm glad you're finding encouragement to keep going! From what I've seen of your work so far, I can tell you're extremely creative and talented and have so much potential to really create something fantastic!
And please do post, I would love to read it!! I've been reading on and off (but mostly off) for about five or six years now. I kinda just pick my cards up whenever I get a random spark of inspiration, but now I'm really trying to be more consistent with my practice. Would love to trade readings if you ever want to get some practice in!
by indighost; ; Report