what does it mean to be a person? // against human teleology

I sometimes feel jealous of people that never went through a stage that they later realized was just public embarrassment (I went through like 5 of said stages before becoming society trained (I'm probably still in one now)). But at the same time, everything I did before the concepts of performativeness and people-pleasing were drilled into my brain was the real me at the time and has built me into the me I am today. If I didn't make mistakes, I wouldn't be the type of person to completely avoid those actions now, and if I didn't go through those really impactful events, I wouldn't have the empathy and strength I gained from them. Most people want to be attractive, talented, smart, etc., yet we mock the journey it takes to get there. At the end of the day, a "finished" creation is nothing more than the product of its original form and what it was put through. So why do we laugh at the old versions of ourselves? Why do we disregard the role negative experiences play in forming positive growth?

Furthermore, I really believe that humans do not exist to become "finished." We are inherently imperfect and constantly evolving throughout our lifespan, replacing one deep flaw with another as we grow. I think this journey is what makes us humans. Growing and changing is what gives life to the human experience. Filtering and labeling and fixating on all of our being to achieve an infeasible and undefinable state of perfection (not to mention one that is constantly changing based on whatever society's current "rules" are) is preventing us from naturally evolving into fuller and better versions of ourselves and enjoying the process of becoming.

Despite being creatures defined by contradictions, people generally seem to reduce themselves and others to fixed identities. Humans are not static; the labels that we throw at each other aim to capture something that is constantly changing. Those labels can limit us. So what if someone's basic or eclectic or performative or niche or unable to commit to one "aesthetic"? Why is it so difficult for some people to see people enjoy things that resonate with them? Why must we judge every expression of individuality and preference as though it must conform to our own taste, when doing so defeats the entire point? I saw this post somewhere, and it was a girl commenting on another girl's TikTok, saying, "she thinks she's so different". The creator replied and said "yet we all are", and I think that puts it beautifully. I saw something else that said "how much of your online presence is performative" and someone replied, "we are the mask and the wearer" and that also puts it perfectly imo. Labels are tools, but they shouldn't be walls. Just be and let others be.

I was not always this easy to be around or look at, and it makes me sad that I had to make myself easier for the world. But that can be how life goes, and I'm glad I'm trying to stay true to myself now.