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Category: Life

What The Fuck Even Is Addiction?

I've never understood addiction. I don't mean in a judgemental sense, just genuinely do not comprehend it. Since I've been around the age of eleven I've noticed that I just do not seem to have that feeling of attachment that others clearly do. I've tried smoking, vaping, amphetamines, and other things out of curiosity. They've seemed fun for a short period and then have become boring. Everything seems to become boring for me relatively quickly. One minute I will be curious, the next I will lose all interest. There are no cravings, no desire to continue but rather the moving on. Most people find this hard to believe, and if they were to ask me what I put that down to I would say I get bored far too easily. I have witnessed many friends, family, etc take something time and time again and continually hurt themselves in some form or another. Smoking until they are gagging on their own lungs, losing their money and taking risks they don't need to take for something they cannot seem to let go of. I really just do not understand what can make somebody continue with such detrimental behavior and so I cannot relate. And it seems to be this very disconnect that has some people saying it means I have good control. I have no good control I just am simply bored too quickly. The second something is boring the brain disconnects, and looks for something else to be occupied with. It has to be that the career path I've selected is the only thing I haven't gotten bored of yet. Everything else eventually seems like repetition, perhaps that's why it seemed so peculiar to me that people seem to be combating their own brains with urges and dependencies which is a sensation I have just never had. This isn't to say that I am against bad decisions because I've made many. I just do not have that particular feeling of being unable to quit.

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