Entry #1: I think a lot...about society..

You may find it ironic im using social media to critique social media but I am more than one thought at once so dont perceive me as if im on either side. Recently, some people who have ruined their friendship with me; as in literally not on speaking terms in multiple years, feel as though they have the right to follow me and not say a word. (on insta). Personally thats hella weird to me especially if its with good intent, like if its a friendship i want to fix I would let my pride go and text the person why i care and want to rekindle. Thats the mature reaction but honestly dont know why I expect anything from these people. But geniunely is there no online etiquette. Youre telling me you have the balls to follow me but not to text me. It has been hard to not go off on these individuals and ask them why? what compelled you to think about me when i feel so irrelevant? perhaps im not as irrelevant as i thought? Tell me your thoughts on that, maybe thats just normal?

Anyway, my main grievance is why is everyone trying to perform, and honestly i did it too. But it started to feel like peer pressure. Everyone takes all this media and all of these consumerist things to build up their character; it makes me feel like im falling behind, like if i dont post i like something then it never happened and the only instance of the connection between a piece of media and myself is the day that i post it. But im also mentally ill; i tend to split quickly, one second i agree with myself and i dont feel the need to perform for an audience of people that know me, and the next im afraid that im not following what everyone else is using their social media more. I dont know, i guess I just wish things were different, everyone is looking for the nect thing, the next aesthetic they can claim as theirs, the next music genre, the next anime. 

I wanna start promoting the idea of coolness coming from within, from the realness that is within each and every one of us. Maybe i just crave a world without judgement, i know it is impossible but I want to get close to the real version of people, not the fabricated one. Some find me as pushy and overwhelming and i guess i can be perceived that way. Like for example sharing a truth to me is like sharing a song i really like that i found through one of my awesomest coolest friend. Because although its my post and i like it it wouldve never come to my page without the person who showed it to me, it also is just more whimsical and full of actual emotions. But everyone is in a hurry to claim their originality with the song most times its not a comment people wanna say; at least i havent observed it in most people online. I wanna stop the nonchalant crisis- be chalant talk about me on your page if you care for me. 

Either way its impossible to claim anyone was the 1st to something, the 1st to a specific media the right to claim. I just hate it like can we just appreciate it for what it is why does it have to be mine or yours or anybody can we just share the awesomeness? 

Rant over tune in on my takes i have lots..